I'm the Greatest Star

Listen,

I've got thirty-six expressions-

Sweet as pie to tough as leather,

And that's six expressions more

Than all them Barrymores put together.

Instead of just kicking me

Why don't they give me a lift?

It must be a plot,

'Cause they're scared that I got

Such a gift-well, I'm miffed-'cause

I'm the greatest star-

I am by far, but no one knows it!

Wait, they're gonna hear a voice,

A silver flute-ah hah, ah hah-

They'll cheer each toot (Hey! I hear she's terrific)

When I expose it!

Now, can't you see to look at me

That I'm a natural Camille?

As Camille I just feel

I've so much to offer.

Listen kid, I know I'd be divine because

I'm a natural cougher.

[Coughs]

Some ain't got it-not a lump,

I'm a great big clump of talent!

Laugh!

They'll bend in half.

(Did you ever hear the story about the traveling salesman?)

A thousand jokes:

Stick around for the jokes,

A thousand faces.

I reiterate,

When you're gifted,

Then you're gifted,

These are facts-I got no axe to grind.

Hey, what are they-blind?

In all of the world so far

I'm the greatest star!

Who is the pip with piz-azz?

Who is all ginger and jazz?

Who is as glamorous as?

Who's an American Beauty rose

With an American Beauty nose,

And ten American Beaty toes,

Eyes on the target, and wham-

One shot, one gun shot and bam!

Hey, Mr. Ziegfeld, here I am!

I'm the greatest star,

I am by far,

But no one knows it!

That's why I was born-

I'll blow my horn

Till someone blows it!

I'll light up like a light

Right up like a light

I'll flicker, then flare up

All the world's gonna stare up

Lookin' down

You'll never see me-

Try the sky,

'Cause that'll be me.

I can make 'em cry,

I can make 'em sigh,

Someday they'll clamor

For my dram-er.

Have you guessed yet,

Who's the best yet?

If you ain't I'll tell you one more time.

You bet your last dime

In all of the world so far

I'm the greatest, greatest star!