When You're Dead

The other day I took a walk because the air was sweet

When I passed the crusty house of a curmedgeon on my street

Now, every town has got one

So I'm sure you'll understand

When I tell you this old bastard

Is a mean and bitter man

Now this day it was special I was wearing my new hat

The old curmedgeon saw this and he disaproved of that

He said "Iv'e had one just like it for 10 years ya ripped me off!

You got no right to wear a hat like mine so TAKE IT OFF!"

Now as it happens, I'm a gentleman so I approached his porch

I told him "Great minds think alike and you got one of course

So how 'bout I just tip my hat to you when I come through?"

He reached down for his gun and said "I'll shoot ya if ya do!"

And I said "No one is gonna cry at your funeral

No one is gonna drink at your wake

No one is gonna sigh with a tear in their eye

Cause no one is gonna miss ya when you're dead!"

Well the next day I forgot this whole damn mess and went to town

And there I saw a hundred or so posters all around

On them was my face and I was wearing my new hat

And they read "This guy ripped me off I got one just like that!"

I took a walk down to his house to see if I could find

A way to show him that we're kindred spirits of the mind

I said "I didn't make these hats. Nor did you of course!

And hey, we both love Johnny Cash!"

He said "GET OFF MY PORCH!"

And I said "No one is gonna cry at your funeral

No one is gonna drink at your wake

No one is gonna sigh with a tear in their eye

Cause no one is gonna miss ya when you're dead!"

When you look back on your life what will you see?

Did you spend your time mending fences or planting mines?

There's no shortage of potential enemies

So don't waste so much time pushing away your kind

I thought I must be stupid or just crazy from the heat

When I went down to the house of that curmedgeon on my street

Maybe it was foolish to go to his house again

Just to show some crazy drunken fool he had a friend

When I got there, much to my surprise, he wasn't there

He was gone as was his shotgun and his rocking chair

I asked the neighbor lady who was laying on her lawn

"Hey, What happened to that mean old man?"

She shrugged and that was all

And I said "No one is gonna cry at your funeral

No one is gonna drink at your wake

No one is gonna sigh with a tear in their eye

Cause no one is gonna miss ya... HELL no one's gonna notice

And I'll enjoy the silence! When... you're... DEAD!"