The Amazing Willy Wanker

When I was just a little wee lad

I hopped on the lap of my dear old dad

Something jumped and poked me good

'That' he said 'just me morning wood'

A little tin soldier's marchin by

Sergeant major unzips his fly

Pulls his weapon from his camouflage pants

Slaps away til it starts to dance

A shootin star's above my bed

Changin colors of my mushroom head

A rainbow jizz flys across the room

Little white spermies meet their doom

(Ah!) The amazing Willy Wanker!

(Aaaah!) The amazing Willy Wanker!

And my scrotum sack he says

Lalalalalala, tickle me!

Little green men from outer space

Here to exterminate the human race

Drop their ray guns and retreat to their ships

When marshmallow sauce squirts from me tip

Like a knight of olden Camelot

The goo takes off like an arrow shot

Gwynevere drops to her knees and begs

For the spittin dragon between me legs

I'm using my thing for what it's for

Gentle knock upon me door

Mumsy drops her cup of tea

When she sees my wank standing tall and free

(Ah!) The one and only Willy Wanker!

(Aaaaah!) Here comes Willy Wanker!

And my marble sack he says

Lalalalalala, tickle me!

Rasberry scones and marmalade!

Squeezing my squid in the evening shine!

Visions of mermaids in the sky!

Shooting my load in me own left eye!

Gramps was a hero in the first World War

But he ain't got no dick no more

Comes home smokin from the corner pub

Makes poor old Gramsy kiss his nub

The world spins around like a big bass drum

Nanny pops a pinkie in the generals bum

The Irish dance and the Scotsmem howl

Time to clean up with the washroom towel

(Ah, yeah!) It's only Willy Wanker, yeah!

(Ah!) The lonely Willy Wanker!

And my wrinkled sack he says

Lalalalalala, tickle me!