The Mule Session

My girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian

My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean

My sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose

And Daddy's only happy when he's wearing Mama's pantyhose, yeah

I just lost my job to a God damn robot (Good times!)

Then my dog got in the freeze box, he ate everything I got

But I've got my mule

He's a very, very nice mule

He walks with me home from school

Cause he's a very, very nice mule

When he was a baby my mother fed him gruel

But now he prefers to dine on his own stool

He always philosophizes with the rabbis after shul

Cause he's a very, very pious mule

When he sees a picture of a carrot he has a tendency to druel

On Halloween he tries to scare me by dressing up as a ghoul

He once challenged someone who stole my hat to a duel

Cause he's a very, very Old school mule

A needle-nosed plier is his favorite tool

He lifeguards on a volunteer basis and the Rec. Center pool

When I break down on the side of the road he shows up with unleaded fuel

He's a devoted fan of Ms. Paula Abdul

And also approves of the recent makeover of former folkie Jewel

(coughing)

When I told him Halle Berry's husband cheated he just shook his head and said to himself 'what a fool'

Cause he's a very, very monogamous mule

(snoring) Porkchop! Wake up, man, the session's not over!

After several well-publicized arrests for public urination he now drinks exclusively O'Doul

And every year he puts on a presentation at the Boys Club to show kids smoking isn't cool

His favorite Elvis song is 'Don't be Cruel', no it's 'Hound Dog'

I was just kidding you