Call Me

Call me Ephraim Zimbalist,

Get me Bobby Kennedy,

Then call Dave Ben-Gurion, too.

Then tell Carol Baker I'm home, now;

Tell her Mastroianni sends love from Rome now.

Then get Hank Mancini

And tell him Fred Fellini

Is waiting, where the heck is the song?

Order Scotch and ice and

Then ring up Barbra Streisand

And then set up a conference call

With Sammy Davis and Charles de Gaulle.

Call me Walter Cronkite

And tell him Nancy Dickerson

Said that David Brinkley was wrong.

Then get Conrad Hilton in Bombay;

Tell him Tuesday night I want peaches flambé.

Call Chief Justice Warren

And tell him Sophie Loren

Is worried, is she married or not?

Then call Arthur Schlesinger;

No, no, send a messenger

With the saddest news of the bunch:

Tell Lady Bird I'll be late for lunch.

Dial up Liberace

And, while up, Joe Valachi

And tell him Lucky sends his regards.

Find out where Onassis' barge is;

Call him, ship-to-shore, and reverse the charges.

Locate Melvin Belli

And tell Mel One-Eye Felli

Was scratched by Princess Margaret's rose.

Then call Lollabrigida,

This week she's in Wichita,

And then, when you reach Cary Grant,

Tell him I'd love to, but I just can't.