Hail To Thee Fat Person

Hail To Thee, Fat Person

I would like to explain how it came to pass that I got fat.

Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service.

When I was a child, my mother said to me,

"Clean the plate, because children are starving in Europe."

And I might point out that that was years before the Marshall Plan

was ever heard of.

So I would clean the plate, four, five, six times a day.

Because somehow I felt that that would keep the children from starving

in Europe.

But I was wrong. They kept starving. And I got fat.

So I would like to say to every one of you who is either skinny

or in some other way normal--

When you walk out on the street, and you see a fat person,

Do not scoff at that fat person. Oh no!

Take off your hat. Hold it over your heart.

Lift your chin up high. And in a proud, happy voice say to him,

"Hail to thee, fat person!

You kept us out of war