It's A Most Unusual Play

It's a most unusual play;

Feel like throwing my tickets away,

'Cause the boy gets the boy

And the girl gets the girl

And it's way too far off Broadway.

It's a most unusual plot

Which I've either blocked out or forgot;

I don't know what it means

But they all wear blue jeans

And they scratch themselves quite a lot.

There's no scenery, there's no lighting,

There's no costumes; oh, what art!

If there only were no house lights,

I would sneak up the aisle and depart.

There's a most unusual scene

Where this man dates this Xerox machine,

So his girlfriend gets mad

And she murders the cad

To the tune of "Begin the Beguine"

In this most unusual, most unusual, most unusual play.

Oh, the language is a bit loose;

It's decidedly not Mother Goose.

Outside on the marquee

This quotation you'll see:

"I was shocked!" and it's signed Lenny Bruce.

It's a play where something went wrong

'Cause it's five hours, twelve minutes long.

If you sit there, my friend,

From beginning to end

Then your bladder better be strong.

There are people hitting people;

There's a couple in a cage.

There's neurotics, there's narcotics,

And the bathroom is right on the stage!

It's a great big critical smash,

And it's raking in all kinds of cash.

But the theater's appalling

With things that are crawling;

I think I am getting a rash

From this most unusual, most unusual, most unusual play.