Cleaning Out My Closet

When I was 10 ,shit , I believed I could fly

I would just flap my fucking arms and meet with the sky

And in my mind I would invision I was speaking with God

And then I chop his fucking fist off and beat him with

mine

But this is just a fucking portion of the war with my

mind

So I'ma take you fuckers back into the vortex of time

When I was 7 invision me at the bottom of stairs

And I silently swear that this is the truth no falacy

here

See I was young man I was just a toddler a kid

And he wasn't the first to succesfully try what he did

He took me to the basement and acted the lights would

be cut

He whipped it out in sight of my eyes and forced his

cock through my gut

See it was weird because I felt that I was losing my

mind

And then it happened like it happened like milions of

times

And I would swear that I would tell but then they'd

think I was lying

And now the power that he held was like a beacon in

mine

So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit

And now my hate was so organicly eruptive and shit

But this is nothing 'cause I guess he told his friend

what he do

And they ate it up shit I was like a buffet for 2

And then it happened then at home where everybody

fucking knew

And they ain't do shit but fucking blame it on youth

I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you

But even you by then wouldn't know what to do

And now it happened so often that he was getting

particular

And I morse yea every time I worked in my speed and

ventricular

One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed

He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my

legs

He told me

"Hey ray, I see you like them popsicle sticks

So put your mouth on my dick and suck and swallow the

spit"

And I was confused by I was scared so I did what he

said

I had no idea the affect it would have on my head

My heart was pumping it was stumping with like tons of

my fear

Imagine being 17 and cum be in your underwear

I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my

butt

Disgusting right, now let that feeling ring through

your guts

I thought of offing myself I thought of killing these

niggers

Wanted to take a fucking brick and push their teeth

through their liver

Wanted to smash like the fucking world and burn it's

leftover but

Wanted to rip it out and just fucking step on my heart

Then I grew up and I wasn't within a reach of these men

But that didn't keep out of motherfucking reach of my

sin

And psychologically I was just as fucked as they come

I was confused I had to prove I wasn't fucked from the

jump

I was afraid of myself I had no love for myself

I tried to kill I tried to hide I tried to run from

myself

There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I

was

So I create the other people I would try to become

Since you already came in the plate and with as scarred

as I was

I was extremly scared of men so I start liking girls

I started starving myself fucked up my bodily health

I didn't want to be atractive to nobody else

I didn't want the appeal wanted to stump my own growth

But there's a fucking reason behind every scarr that I

show

I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow

My mental state is out of date and that's how far as I

know

My biggest problem was fear what being fearful could do

It made me run it made me hide it made me scared of the

truth

I'm not deranged anymore I'm not the same anymore

I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as

before

I had to deal with my shit I had to look at my truth

To understand that to grow you gotta look at your root

I had to cut off the dead I had to make myself proud

And I'm just standing breathing living proof look at me

now

I made it through everything I made you look like a

clown

I'm fucking great can't fucking hate you nigga look at

me now

And I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from

the ground

The makings of a legend is often hiden in thorns

So just move on and just be strong and just accept what

you can

Because it makes your story better when you read it ,

the end

That's the story of every scar that I show

I made it out this a mean nobody's goten before

I had to open my wounds I had to bleed till I stop

Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet

I said I opened my wounds I had to bleed till I stop

Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet