Natural Born Loser

I've got a wife and kids and a bit on the side

A cocaine habit I just can't hide

I know a lot of people but I ain't got a mate

My bird's just told me her periods late

I've got an education but I ain't got a clue

If something goes wrong I don't know what to do

I'm no good in a crisis so I just act dumb

If I run out of money I go to see my mum

I guess I'm a Natural Born Loser

I go out at weekends but I'm always on my own

When the others go clubbing I get a cab home

I can't stand my job and the boss thinks I'm a joke

But everyone tells me he's a really good bloke

Don't talk to the wife, the kids hate me an' all

They burst into tears if I pick them up from school

Re-mortgaged the house to buy a flash car

But what's the point of driving if you ain't going far?