Bizarre Christmas Incident

(ho ho ho!)

Hey grandpa, lets tell them the little story about this Christams

(yeah tell em, tell em about Christmas!)

Christmas Eve,

I didn't get much sleep

I kept hearing things

Heavy breathing from the chimney, who could it be?

(i know who it was)

(what happend then ben?)

(yeah what happend?)

I went back to sleep

(back to sleep? shit!)

I'm tired if I don't have sleep

And in the morn'

I couldn't believe my eyes

A whale of a corpse

With a long white beard was hangin over the fire

Oh Santa's he's a big fat fuck

Went down the chimney got his fat ass suck

Oh honey call the lawyers fast

'cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass

Hey hey hey (hey!) yeah

(Ohh, oh oh)

OK grandpa, step up. Sing in this thing right here,

Tell them what you saw, tell them what you saw grandpa...

I gotta tell you folks

He wasn't wearin' no clothes (no clothes!)

He must have rubbed the whole gallon of crisco off

From his back and down to his toes

Well I was talking to the cops outside

The dog was lickin' crisco off of his thighs

They hauled him away in a double wide

What a sad, sad way to die, hey hey hey!

Santa's he's a big fat fuck

Went down the chimney got his fat ass suck

Oh honey call the lawyers fast

Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass