Wherever He Ain't

This ninny of a puppet was available

The second that he called

And all he had to do was yell, "Hey, Mabel"

And this dumb hash slinger crawled

For seven lousy years, I've watched him swear

And shove and shout

"With you or without you"

Well, it's gonna be without

I gotta give my life some sparkle and fizz

And think a thought that isn't wrapped up in his

The place that I consider paradise is

Wherever he ain't, wherever he ain't

No more to wither when he's grouchy and gruff

No more to listen to him, bellow and bluff

Tomorrow morning I'll be struttin' my stuff

Wherever he ain't, wherever he ain't

Enough of being bullied and bossed

Ta-ta, Auf Wiedersehn and get lost

I walk behind him like a meek little lamb

And had my fill of his not giving a damn

I'll go to Sydney or Ceylon or Siam

Wherever he ain't and wherever he ain't

It's time for little Nell to rebel

If he's at Heaven, I'll go to Hell

My little love nest was a terrible trap

With me behaving like a simpering sap

And so I'm looking for a spot on the map

If he's going south, I'm going north

If he's going back, I'm going forth

Wherever he ain't