A Square In The Social Circle

I used my silver spoon at birth

For throwing meatballs at my nurse

And much to my regret

I can't mingle with the social set.

I used the wrong fork at the Stork in New York.

My manners ain't fit for a goop.

I'm just a square in the social circle.

Who put that fly in my soup?

I'd rather go out with a lout to about

Than sleep in a symphony hall.

I'm just a square in the social circle.

Who knocked my gum off that wall?

When the utterly utter flows like butter

I want to start pitching a curve.

With a silly old blighter on a first nighter

I feel like a pickled hors d'oeuvres,

No verve.

I never felt gay in a fancy beret

Or wear a babushka or bursk.

I'm just a square in the social circle.

Finger bowls hurt me the worst.

They just don't quench my thirst!

Mrs. Vanderpuss with greet me with a fourteen karat shout,

"My dear you simply must come to my daughter's coming out!"

Her daughter is a Frankenstein, a Dracula in mink.

When she comes out each stag will shout,

"Gadzooks, I need a drink!"

I'd dined and clubbed,

I've elbow rubbed from Yonkers to Cheyenne!

Boo to you bud;

Take your blue blood

And stuck it in your fountain pen!

I wanna brush all the flush in the gush.

I'd rather get left than be right.

I'm just a square in the social circle.

Anyone here wanna fight?

And none of me fits with the wits at the Ritz.

I'd rather relax on a stool.

I'm just a square in the social circle.

Anyone wanna shoot pool?

When a cookie with cabbage gets too savage

I'll wrestle him three out of four.

I would rather a sailor hop in my trailer

And show me his nautical lore.

Why sure!

The ladies will frills only fill me with chills.

They're soft as a ball of chenile.

I'm just a square in the social circle.

I've got a muscle of steel.

Anyone here want to feel?

I'm as square as a pear in a boutonniere.

Fancy silks won't stay on.

I'm designed for rayon.

But I just don't seem to care.

I'm a square!