Goalhanger

He's got the bonhomie

Of a game show host

And his handshake is so limp it's like meeting a ghost

His apologies are tired 'cause he uses them a lot

His excuses are so lame if they were horses they'd be shot

He lies through his teeth with impeccable grammar

In the game of life he's just a dreadful goalhanger

He's keeping all his options open

'Til the very last minute

Checking every situation

Tryin' to work out what's in it

Tryin' to pin him down's like nailing water to a wall

He's incapable of making a commitment at all

Like trying to knock in a nail with an inflatable hammer

In the game of life he's just a dreadful goalhanger

Yesterday upon the stair

I met a man who's never there

He won't be there again today

Well that's what he told me to say

He's got the natural arrogance

Of an exclamation mark

And he wishes that his bite was as big as his bark

He's appealing to the referee at every single stage

He's a buzzy little bundle of impotent rage

Where he ought to have patience he only has anger

In the game of life he's just a dreadful goalhanger

He has a lack of humility

That defies imagination

And he hangs 'round like a farting Russian space station

He doesn't even notice as he sells you down the river

'Cause he's one of life's taker and he's looking for a giver

Shrugs, drops his shoulders as he drops another clanger

In the game of life he's just a dreadful goalhanger