Hooker Jon

You come up from the tub all wild, look like a four-eyed pig from Australia

You're like a wine-soaked varicose genitalia

You'll be a sloth-like crook who likes to fail to Preservear

Give me a boat, Bermuda tricycle and I'll disappear

Watch what you say 'cause we'll leave you

In the woods near the horse

And we'll leave you there naked

And let nature takes its course

Hooker, you think that I'm a Jon

As I'm movin' on

Jon, Jon, you think that I'm a hooker

And you're tryna book her

Everybody's wrong

About what turns me on

He thinks that I'm a hooker

She thinks that I'm a Jon

Okay...

I've been drivin' all night and day, just tryna find Route 66

All I found was a couple teenage boys tryna sell their dicks

Ate four-thousand four-hundred forty-eight Flintstones kids to get my fix

We can dock our four skins and get a real viscous mix

When my first son turns seven

I'm gonna give him LSD and see what he says

Then I'll toss him to his mama

And let him suck on some breasts

Hooker, you think that I'm a Jon

As I'm movin' on

Jon, Jon, you think that I'm a hooker

And you're tryna book her

Everybody's wrong

About what turns me on

He thinks that I'm a hooker

She thinks that I'm a Jon

Okay...

You're like a hoodoo phantom eatin' oatmeal and rye

You're like the prince of darkness doin' patty cakes in the pig stye

You'll be watchin' reruns of Wheel of Fortune when Apocalypse comes

Your brain will be expandin' when God's kingdom comes

You're like a retreaded Isaac Newton

Who lives in Johnny Appleseed's mind

Got a concussion from an Apple

Makin' pillows in the nine-to-five grind

Hooker, you think that I'm a Jon

As I'm movin' on

Jon, Jon, you think that I'm a hooker

And you're tryna book her

Everybody's wrong

About what turns me on

He thinks that I'm a hooker

She thinks that I'm a Jon