Florida Man

Should you settle down in the Sunshine State

You should know of its tangled fate

How the conquistador came to Florida

Long before it had a name

The medicine man of the Seminole

Knelt by the sacred flame, and cursed the soul

Of the conquistador

And his son, and his sons, and the young ones...

Of the Florida Man

Florida Man (Florida Man)

Florida Man (Florida Man)

Florida Man (Florida Man)

Florida Man

Down at the mall, where the boas crawl

Ted makes love to a concrete wall

His brother Red said his Uncle Ned

Found Elvis in a loaf of bread

(Florida Man!)

High on meth there's little Beth

The neighbor's cat is on her breath

(Florida Man!)

Dan dreams he's got red wings of fire

He's waking an' shaking on a power wire

Florida Man (Florida Man)

(He's cursed)

Florida Man (Florida Man)

Florida Man (Florida Man)

Florida Man

Slim sees his face on a moonlit wave

He grabs a shovel, and digs his own grave

(Florida Man!)

Lee hates plate glass, he drives right through it

Said Alice's caterpillar made him do it

(Florida Man!)

A Miami nurse snatches a purse

And drives down the freeway in reverse

(Florida Man!)

Phil asks the cops to test his drugs

After they find him hiding under a rug

Florida Man (Florida Man)

Florida Man (Florida Man)

(He's cursed)

Florida Man (Florida Man)

Florida Man

Don't you laugh, it could be you

The Florida curse always comes true

You can jeer but you don't understand

Any fragile soul can be a Florida Man