A Letter to Santa

Dear Santa Claus,

It has been brought to my attention by one of our

operatives that you have secured for yourself, and your

interests, a very lucrative position in the toy and

game industry. Normally, my associates and I would not

involve ourselves in child-exploitation schemes such as

yours. However, it is quite clear to us that you have

over-stepped your bounds and are coming into my

family's territories. That I cannot let you do.

Mr. Claus, we've known each other for many years, and

we have no problem with your operations in the North

Pole. But, uh, Consigliere tells me that you have

expanded your deliveries to the entire south side, most

of the north side, and everywhere but the Jewish

neighborhoods.

I understand, Mr. Kringle, that you and I share many

interests. We both make lists. We both know who's been

naughty and who's been nice. Have I mentioned, that,

uh, red is also my favorite color? This year when you

make your rounds, I hope you'll take time stop by the

house for a cup of coffee and some cookies, so that,

uh, we can discuss an offer I know you can't refuse. I

know how much you like cookies. I am sure you will do

this thing I ask out of respect, but I would be remiss

if I did not remind you of the tragic demise of our

mutual friend and confidant, Frosty T. Snowman. I

regret that it was necessary to teach Frosty a lesson.

Sincerely, and with warmest wishes for you and the

lovely Mrs. Claus,

Don

P.S.

It would be most unfortunate for you to wake up one

morning to find the heads of eight tiny reindeers in

bed with you. I am sure you are a reasonable man, and

this will not be necessary