Uneasy Rider

I was takin' a trip out to LA

toolin' along in my Chevrolet

tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio

just as I cross the Mississippi line

I heard that highway start to whine

and I knew that left rear tire was about to go

Well the spare was flat and I got uptight

'cause there wasn't a fillin' station in sight

so I just limped down the shoulder on the rim

I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car

it was right in front of this little bar

A kind of a redneck lookin' joint

called the Dew Drop Inn

Well I stuffed my hair up under my hat

and told the bartender that I had a flat

and would he be kind enough to give me change for a one

There was one thing I was sure proud to see

there wasn't a soul in the place 'cept for him and me

And he just looked disgusted and

pointed toward the telephone

I called up the station down the road a ways

and he said he wasn't very busy today

and he could have somebody there

in just about ten minutes or so

He said "Now you just stay right where yer at"

and I didn't bother tellin' the durn fool

I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go

I just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar

when some guy walked in and said

"Who owns this car with the peace sign

the mag wheels and four on the floor?"

Well he looked at me and I damn near died

and I decided that I'd just wait outside

so I layed a dollar on the bar and headed for the door

Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin

these five big dudes come strollin' in

with this one old drunk chick and

some fella with green teeth

And I was almost to the door when the biggest one

said "You tip your hat to this lady, son"

and when I did all that hair fell out from underneath

Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight

in Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night

especially when there was three of them

and only one of me

Well they all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick

and I knew I'd better think of somethin' pretty quick

so I just reached out and kicked ol'

green-teeth right in the knee

He let out a yell that'd curl your hair

but before he could move I grabbed me a chair

and said "Watch him folks 'cause he's a

thouroughly dangerous man"

"Well you may not know it but this man's a spy

he's an undercover agent for the FBI

and he's been sent down here to

infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan"

He was still bent over holdin' on to his knee

but everyone else was lookin' and listenin' to me

and I layed it on thicker and heavier as I went

I said "Would you believe this man has gone as far

as tearin' Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars

and he voted for George McGovern for president?"

"Well he's a friend of them long-haired hippie type pinko fags I betcha he's even got a Commie flag

tacked up on the wall inside of his garage"

"He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys

he may look dumb but that's just a disguise

he's a mastermind in the ways of espionage"

They all started lookin' real suspicious at him

and he jumped up and said "Now just wait a minute, Jim

you know he's lyin' I've been livin'

here all of my life"

"I'm a faithfull follower of Brother John Burch

and I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church

And I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife!"

Then he started sayin' somethin' about the way I was dressed but I didn't wait around to hear the rest

I was too busy movin' and hopin'

I didn't run outta luck"

And when I hit the ground I was makin' tracks

and they were just takin' my car down off the jacks

So I threw the man a twenty and

jumped in and fired that mother up

Mario Andretti woulda sure been proud

of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd

comin' out the door and headin' toward me in a trot

And I guess I shoulda gone ahead and run

but somehow I couldn't resist the fun

of chasin' them just once around the parkin' lot

Well they're headin' for their car but I hit the gas

and spun around and headed them off at the pass

well I was slingin' gravel and

puttin' a ton of dust in the air

Well I had them all out there steppin' an' a fetchin'

like their heads were on fire and their asses was catchin' but I figured I oughta go ahead an

split before the cops got there

When I hit the road I was really wheelin'

had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin'

and I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas

I think I'm gonna re-route my trip

I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped

if I went to LA via Omaha