Me and the Rose

Listen for a while

And I'll tell you the story

of How I fell in love with The Rose Of Tralee

It was about five o'clock in the morning

I was only after gettin' off the mail boat.

I was walking down the North Wall

Minding me own business

With me suitcase under me arm

Sitting down every minute

'Til a voice behind me went

Hello, hello, hello

Where do you think you're going

at this hour of the morning?

I turned around

And who do you think was standin' behind me

Only the Rose of Tralee

And she wearin' a grand new blue Ban Gardaí's uniform

I thought she was a super

How's it going there Rose

Jasus girleen the last time I saw you

was down below there in The Dome

upstairs in the tent with Gaybo in the Pretty Polly

tights

And all them beauty queens from

Tashkent, Istanbul, Bangkok and Liverpool

and...........

How's she cuttin there Rose...

Can you account for your movements sez she

Ah Rose, there's no need to be like that

But I can give you all the movements you want

You'd better sharpen your pencil

You're goin' to be busy little woman

Christy's got a memory like a super-grass

I can remember things that never happened at all,

The first thing I can remember

Is the 7th of May 1945

At the back of Donnelly's Hollow

The night before

Pa Connolly drove the Roadstone lorry

Into the Seven Springs

And St. Brigid started rollin' out the Tintawn

Across the Curragh of Kildare

Then I woke up one morning

It was after gettin conscripted into the altar boys

I was ringin the bells and swingin the thurible

Sure the smell of the incense

Would remind you of the inside of an Arab's tent

And no sign of Ghaddafi nowhere

In those days Down in Newbridge Co. Kildare

An altar boy would get a pound for a funeral

Two pound for a wedding

And a good kick up in the arse

If he didn't put enough wine in the chaliceAt he early

mass.

Ah!"Ita Missa Est" says Rose

"Gloria Tibi Domine" says I

I didn't know you had to have the Latin

To get into Templemore

I love to hear the old bit of Latin

The old Tridentine

"Kyrie Eleison"

I can't stand them Folk Masses

All them trendy priestsTrippin' over each other

To sing balladsAt half time in the Bingo

Sure the Nine First FridaysNever killed anyone

Well ! The next thing I knew, Rose

I was servin' me time to be

A corner boy up in the Curragh Camp

I was trying to teach the sheep how to talk Irish

Then I got a job selling lambs balls to mushroom

farmers

that couldn't afford horseshite

One day I was walkin' across the Curragh of Kildare

And I fell into an officer's mess

I ended up in the F.C.A.

Squarebashin' around the wet canteen

Until the commanding officer heard

That me Granny once confessed

To a fellow whose Sister's brother in law was

Married to a man whoseFirst cousin used to fill

Hot water bottles for Patrick SarsfieldBefore the

battle of Clongorey

I had to go on the run.

Gubu Gubu *Gubu Gubu

I ran so fast thatI ended up in Paddington

A million miles away from The Land Of saints and

scholars

I was

Diggin' Footins Scrapin' Pots

Pullin' cable Startin' Drotts

Boilin' Kettles Makin' Tea

Diggin' Deep Rose and Thrown Away

I was a disposable PaddyServin' me time to be a

Co-Pilot on a kango hammer in Shepherd's Bush

Doin' 86 MPH on a JCB down the Kilburn High Road

When the SPG flagged me down and held me under the PTA

Until I got away and went underground with the Green

Murphy

One Thursday night I was headin' down the Hammersmith

Broadway

I met a friend of mine from Ballaghadereenin the Co.

Roscommon

Who was a demolition expert - Georgian houses were his

speciality

Any chance for a start?What would you know about

demolition? (I've been well known to demolish a rake of

large bottles)

Well, Monday mornin' came

Myself, Roger Sherlock, Liam Farrell,Martin Byrnes,

Raymond Roland Tony Rohr

We was paintin' a door

We gave her six coats and three coats more- that was

just the undercoat

The ganger was fond of a tune-thursday never came too

soon

We were gettin' five pounds a day and all we could ate

But it's an awful job Tryin' to eat all day

To make a long story short, Rose

I went lookin' for digs

I went up and knocked at the door,this big English

woman comes out

took one look at me and she went

Get away from my door sez she

There'll be absolutely no blacks nor paddies gettin' in

here.'

So I let on I was a white South African

And I tried to join the British Army to better myself

I volunteered as sub-contractor buildin' houses with no

doors nor handles on them

The recruiting officer says to me

'What ye bin doin' lately then, Paddy?

I was helpin' O'Brien to shift it Sir says I

Before that I was spreadin' the toxic all over the

Golden Vale

Helpin' Mr. Gallagher cover Stephen's Green in concrete

Sir

Helpin' Sam Stevenson block all the daylight out of

Dublin

Helpin' Dr. Smurfit relocate the Liffey

Helpin' Lord O'Reilly to count the golden beans

I was dolin' out the Diddly-Eye for Dr. Darragh

Puttin in the bugs for Cathaoirleach

Vacuum packin' T-Bone steaks for Larry Maith an Fear

seekin' out the heart of the Green Core.

Bejasus Paddy you're overqualified for the British Army

I'm afraid I'll have to deport you out of England.

and he did......Total Exclusion

Here I am, RoseAr ais arís

This is some welcome for a returned emmigrant

Céad Míle Fáilte my arse

With your pioneer pin and your fáinneAnd your white

star for not cursing

Jaysus, it would be more in your line togive me a lift

in the squad car into town

And she did.

There wew were Cruisin' down Capel Street in the White

Squad

Looking for the Early Morning House

will ye look Rose There's Paddy Slattery.

'You're welcome home, Christy', says Paddy

Big Slate!

'I suppose you and your girlfriend are looking for a

drink'

Well, off came the cap. She flung it into the back seat

of the squad

And in with her like a bat out a hell (left right, left

right)

'I'll have a Brandy with a small drop of Port I never

drink pints when I'm on duty'

Brandy and Port!

T'was like throwin' water into a barrel of sawdust

She lowered it up andof course..........No wallet

Roll on the Holy Hour', says I

I'll see you tonight sez she 'twill be my twist'

Ladies and Gentlemen there I was outside the GPO waitin

for The most beautiful Kerry woman in the whole wide

world

Here she comes, Holy Mother of Sweet Divine Jesus in

Heaven would you ever look at.that .... Sashaying down

the Boulevardin her Doc's and her 501's

Hey Rose!..... Over here........

'What's on your mind big fellah' says she to me

(I was wearin me platforms)

I wouldn't mind a bit of a dance, Rose

She took me to a discoin the Gardai club in Harcourt

Street

Le Baton Rouge.........A tidy little spot up Harcourt

Street

Watch out for the quadruple parking, bald tyres and no

tax discs

In there.. Wall to wall moustaches, gay bikers on acid

Myself and the Rose of Tralee danced the night away

Until about five O'clock in the morning when says she

to me

'Fancy comin' back to my place then Lofty?'

Does a bear shite in the woods?

Away with us, me hangin out of her on the back of the

Honda50

Up through Rathmines and Rathgar into Ranelagh,

pullin into the 24-7 open 9-11, 6 days a week

Two donor kebabs and the Leinster Leader

Up to her place thenTwo up, two down,

She pulled the cork out of the Blue Nun

And I got sick all over the Rottweiler

And she put some music onLovely new CD.,,,,,, Daniel

"Oh then fare thee well sweet Donegal

The Roses and Gweedore"

Oh Rose. Oh Daniel

Ah Here,I suppose a rasher sandwichis out of the

question?

That's how I met up with The Roseof Tralee