270 Somethin'

You know a man does have to eat him somethin'

I love candy bars, eat them all the time

My combo meal's are super sized

And I crave the stuff they put inside those dang ding dongs

My cholesterol is off the chart

I keep a blood pressure cuff on my left arm

Doctor says that, ?My poor heart won't last too long?

My nickname in school was double wide

'Cause my momma fried

Now I weigh 270 somethin'

Always huffin' and puffin

Lay around the house all day

No wonder I can't lose no weight

See that pizza on the TV

Oh man' don't it look cheesy

You know they deliver here for nothin'

That's why I weigh 270 somethin'

My insurance said that they'd Co pay

I made the same appointment Carnie Wilson made

Plastic surgeon said he had a way to get those love handles off

He stapled and sucked stuff through a tube

I lost a hundred pounds in one afternoon

When I came to in the recovery room, wouldn't much left of me

When he removed the bandages from my thighs

I couldn't believe my eyes

Now I weigh 180 somethin'

Didn't have to do much of nothin'

I'm lookin' like Jean Claude Van Dame

To fit in a pair Mark Wills' pants

Now everyone who sees me

Can't believe that I'm so skinny

My body fat is nearly nothin'

Now that I weigh 180 somethin'

Now I date a model with a GED

But do you think she'd be with me

I wonder if I

Still weighed, 270 somethin'

Stuffin' down blueberry muffins

Onion rings and cans of SPAM

That's how I got so fat

Now everyone who sees me

Can't believe that I'm so skinny

I used to break a sweat just doin' nothin'

Back when I weighed 270 somethin'

Now I weigh 180 somethin'

Well it's probably like more like around 225-26

None of y'all's business how much I weigh