Cledus Went Down To Florida

Cledus went down to Florida, he was lookin' for a car to steal

He was in a bind, ten payments behind, so the bank reposed his wheels

When he came across this old man down at Jalopy's Used Car Lot

Then Cledus jumped up on the top of one and said

"Feller, let me tell ya what, now I'm not gonna be proud of the deed

I'm 'bout to do, well, no time to spare, I gotta be somewhere

So I'm gonna steal a car from you, now I've seen you're selection here

And I admit the pickings are few I know the Pintos gold

But consider it stoled 'cause I got a show to do"

The man said, "My name's Jalopy"

As he gave an evil grin

'Cause he knew that car wouldn't get too far

For the motor blew up again

Cledus you better hit the road if you're gonna be a star

The shows way up in Georgia, and you're opening up for Garth

You're future's ridin' on this shiny Pinto painted gold

And if you're late it's Jeff Foxworthy's show

Oh gosh, a Pinto my foot

It drives more like a horse and buggy, dern

Cledus said, "No way in heck he's gonna open up that show"

Then fire flew from the manifold as his right front tire blowed

Then he pushed that wreck across the street, 'n man was Cledus tissed

And he tried 'n tried to start 'er up, but it sounded somethin' like this

Come on, come on, oh gosh, I'm in a mess

What am I gonna do?

My one big shot for Garth Brooks

Oh dern it

When Cledus opened up the hood

He said, "I'll be a son of a gun"

And it didn't take long to figure out

Why the heck it wouldn't run

Fire from the engine, lots of smoke

He can already hear them redneck jokes

Dad blamed oil pan layin' in the road

Will he make the show? Heck no, heck no

Taxi, Greyhound, yeller cab, somebody

I'll show him a redneck

He'll have a red neck

When I get my hands around his throat

I'm sick of it

Cledus shook his head as he watched Foxworthy's show

And he heard him joke of how he passed a burnin' old Pinto

Then later on, Garth told Cledus, "You'll never get the chance again"

As he gave the check to that derned redneck

Who drove a Mercedes Benz

He said, "Tough break big guy before I go

Would ya like to hear another redneck joke?

Did you know I got my own TV show?"

Well, does anybody watch it? No, heck no

Well, you might be a redneck

If your momma and daddy catches ya out behind the barn

Whippin' Jeff Foxworthy for talkin' about rednecks all time

Ah shoot, I'm just kiddin' Jeff

I wished I could be your best friend

Do you like me? I'd love to be on your TV show

Come here to me