My Best Friend

Hello, what you doing here, who are you?

Het jy my tv?

My codename is Mikhail Breznikov, but you can call me Bongi

(snort) nice name, where'd you get it? the Waterfront?

Don't you think I've been mocked enough, because my father, Sipho, did not put a click in my name?

Versin!

I was taken by the Russians as a slave, but I maintain my Sowetan heritage with this afro.

Verstaan jy Afrikaans?

stop! English only - I do not understand your language.

mm? why am I here?

Ja waars ons kinders?

I said English. Can you handle it?

Hmm?

Because you are cute and I like to lick the chocolate starfish

If you are wondering why my voice is not in sync with my lips,

It is because when I was a little boy my best friend Jacob Zuma taught me how to talk shit

And just like him I have mastered it, and I now talk through my ass as well.