Damnation's Cellar

Did anybody notice, over marmalade and eggs

In between the Princess' legs

What with wars and floods and beggars

Not to mention stocks and shares

If you have a moment to spare

Can you write and reassure me that I have seen

They're constructing a time machine

There will be no need for the obituary pages

We can have any hero from the bygone ages

'Til the truth emerges, the argument rages

The major and the minor

Turn from tallow into tar

Should we leave them in their place?

Down in damnation's cellar

When any form of deity that you might enjoy

Can be conjured with a test-tube and a flame

If it's out there then science can explain it

Or at least remove the blame

And if theres is anyone you'd like to see again

The speak up quickly

Send us back Da Vinci then we don't have to ponder

The maddening smile of "La Giaconda"

The critics say Nijinsky, the dancer, of course

While the punters would probably prefer the horse

You'll find it's quicker than history, cheaper than divorce

The major and the minor

Turn from tallow into tar

Should we leave them in their place?

Down in damnation's cellar

Bring back Liberace or Ollie and Stan

Shakespeare will have to wait his turn

Elvis Presley and Puccini shall return

I suppose we live and learn, though it's hard to believe as we

cheerfully burn

It's curious

Some will call for justice.

There are murders to solve

What about Hitler? Or at least Lee Harvey Oswald

Give us this day and everything we squander

Anyone beautiful

Somebody blonder

They'll never please mankind, so lie back and enjoy it

Stop press: They've just decided to destroy it

The major and the minor

Turn from tallow into tar

Should we leave them in their place?

Down in damnation's cellar