Watching the Detectives/My Funny Valentine

Nice girls not one with a defect,

cellophane shrink-wrapped, so correct.

Red dogs under illegal legs.

She looks so good that he gets down and begs.

She is watching the detectives.

"ooh, he's so cute!"

She is watching the detectives

when they shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot.

They beat him up until the teardrops start,

but he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart.

Long shot of that jumping sign,

Visible shivers running down my spine.

Cut the baby taking off her clothes.

Close-up of the sign that says,"We never close"

You snatch a tune, you match a cigarette,

She pulls the eyes out with a face like a magnet.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

She's filing her nails while they're dragging the lake.

You think you're alone until you realize you're in it.

Now fear is here to stay. Love is here for a visit.

They call it instant justice when it's past the legal limit.

Someone's scratching at the window. I wonder who is it?

The detectives come to check if you belong to the parents

who are ready to hear the worst about their daughter's disappearance.

Though it nearly took a miracle to get you to stay,

it only took my little fingers to blow you away.

Just like watching the detectives.

Don't get cute!"

It's just like watching the detectives.

I get so angry when the teardrops start,

but he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart.

Watching the detectives.

It's just like watching the detectives.

My funny Valentine, sweet comic Valentine

You make me smile with my heart

Your looks are laughable, unphotographable

But you're my favourite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek?

Is your mouth a little weak?

When you open it to speak

Are you smart?

Don't change a hair for me

Not if you care for me

Stay little Valentine, stay

Each day is Valentine's Day