Criminal

[Intro]

A lot of people ask me stupid fuckin' questions

A lot of people think that what I say on record

Or what I talk about on a record

That I actually do in real life or that I believe in it

Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody that

I'm actually gonna do it or that I believe in it

Well shit if you believe that then I'll kill you

You know why?

Cuz I'm a criminal

Criminal

(You goddamn right)

I'm a criminal

Yeah, I'm a criminal

[Eminem]

My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge

And I'll stab you in the head, whether you're a fag or les

A homosex, hermaph, or a transeves

Pants address, hey fags, the answer's yes

Homophobic?

Nah, you're just heterophobic

Starin' in my jeans, watchin' my genetiles bulgin'

That's my mothafuckin' balls, you better let go of 'em

They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get ahold of 'em

Hey, it's me, Versace

Whoops, somebody shot me

And I was just checkin' the mail

Get it, checkin' the male?

How many records you expectin' to sell?

After your second LP sends you directly to jail

Come on, relax cat

I like gay men, right Ken?

Give me an Amen

"Amen!"

Please Lord, it's born ease Jesus

Hear us child, help us destroy these demons

Uh, please send me a brand new car

And a prostitute, while my wife's sick in the hospital

Preacher, preacher, 5th grade teacher

You can't reach me, my mom can't neither

You can't teach me a goddamn thing

Cuz I watch TV and Tomcat's cable

And you ain't able to stop these thoughts

You can't stop me from toppin' these charts

And you can't stop me from droppin' each March

With a brand new CD for these fuckin' retards

And to think, it's just lil' ol' me

Mr. 'don't give a fuck' still won't leave

I'm a...

1 - I'm a criminal

Cuz everytime I write a rhyme

These people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind

I guess I'm a criminal

I don't gotta say a word

I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'

I don't take shit from no one

Repeat 1

The mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes and speed

The baby came out disfigured, ligaments in need

It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she

Don't dare make fun of that baby cuz that baby was me

I'm a criminal

An animal caged to turn crazed

But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?

So as I got older and I got a lot taller

My dick shrunk smaller but my balls got larger

I drink more liquor to fuck you up quicker

Then you'd wanna fuck me after sayin' a word

My morals went *pft* when the president got oral

Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk

From his own employee, now don't ignore me

You won't avoid me, you can't miss me

I'm white, blonde hair, and my nose is pointy

I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die

In plane crashes, and laughs, as long as it ain't happen to him

Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined

(The maniac sent) In place of the doctor

Cuz Dre couldn't make it today

He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place

Oh, that's Dre, with an AK to his face

Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place

I told you Dre, you should kept that thing put away

I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with an A

I'm a criminal!

[Dre] (Eminem)

Alright look (uh-huh)

Just go up in that mothafucka

Get the mothafuckin' money and get the fuck up outta there

(Alright)

I'll be right here waitin' on you

(Alright)

Yo Em!

(What?!)

Don't kill nobody this time!

(Alright!)

(Goddamn, this mothafucka gets on my fuckin' nerves)

[Eminem] (Bank teller)

(Hi) How you doin'?

(How can I help you?)

Yeah, I need to make a withdrawl

(Okay)

Put the fuckin' money in the bag bitch

And I won't kill you

(Oh my God, don't kill me)

I'm not gonna kill you bitch

Quit lookin' around

(Don't kill me, I've got 2 kids at home, don't kill me)

I told you I'm not gonna fuckin' kill you

Hurry the fuck up!

*gun shot*

THANK YOU!

[Eminem]

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it

So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it

So I'll be disguised in it

And if anybody identifies the guy in it

I'll hide for 5 minutes

Come back, shoot the eyewitness

Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business

Die bitches

Passed this scratched 'Vette

This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet

If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts

Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck

You mothafuckin' chickens ain't brave enough

To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut

Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up

To make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass

And if it's not a rapper that I'll make it as

I'mma be a fuckin' rapist in a Jason mask

Repeat 1 (4×)