Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted

Lewis & Clark:

You can't be starting with Lewis and Clark,

'Cause we cut a path through MC's like a walk in the park,

Then give 'em back a whole stack of maps and accurate charts,

Showing exactly where our footprints on their buttocks are marked!

We're two traveling wordsmiths spitting hotter than a furnace,

And we'll own you on the mic like the Louisiana Purchase!

You're worthless! Your future selves should'a told you that.

Now go back in time and give Doctor Who his phone booth back!

We discovered bears and beavers and prairie dogs and weasels,

Rattlesnakes and catfish, owls, larks and eagles,

And plus flora galore! And according to our observations,

These two dickweeds right here are severely endangered!

We inspired pioneers and travelers near and far.

You inspired air guitar and Dude, Where's My Car?.

We conquered much greater dangers in our trek through Mother Nature,

So step off, but tell Bill's stepmom "don't be a stranger"!

Bill & Ted:

Bill's mom is hot, but that joke was most heinous.

I've heard better insults drop from Socrates' anus.

That's my stepmom, Ted! Let's keep it excellent between us,

And show these Boy Scouts how it goes in San Dimas!

We're quick when we spit like Billy the Kid with his guns,

And you'll be verbally kicked in the nut-Sacagawea puns!

A teen mom carried you and your troops?

They should have let the baby lead, and put you in the papoose,

And if those native dudes knew what white dudes were gonna do,

They woulda stopped you in Dakota! They should totally Sioux!

Why don't you go back to exploring Napoleon's old swamps?

Or you'll discover your Corps most triumphantly stomped!

Lewis & Clark:

Did you hear that, Meriwether? I think they mean to brawl!

I'll take Neo. I'll take the one that no one knows at all!

From the falls of Black Eagle to the Pacific,

We put the 'dis' in dysentery 'cause we spit sick… (Caw!)

Without Rufus, you'd be useless on the trails we blazed!

You couldn't navigate your way out of a Circle K!

Send over Garth and Wayne because you turkeys aren't worthy.

Suffering your raps is a most Bogus Journey!

Bill & Ted:

Man, they totally burned us. I feel like such a doofus.

What do we do? I don't know.

Rufus:

Be excellent.

Bill & Ted:

Rufus!

He's right, dude! We don't have to take this kind of abuse

From some Paul Bunyan dudes in potato sack shoes!

You rode a river one direction; we travel four dimensions,

Rescue bodacious babes, and get back for detention!

I've seen your future, Mr. Lewis, and I don't want to be rude,

But spoiler alert: You totally kill yourself, dude!

So we offer you peace with these resplendent medallions,

And we claim this battle for the Wyld Stallyns!