Lyrics Epic Rap Battles Of History

Epic Rap Battles Of History

Rasputin vs Stalin

Rasputin:

Cool mustache, Wario

Try messing with the mad monk, you'll be sorry-oh

How many dictators does it take

To turn an empire into a union of ruinous states?

It's a disgrace what you did to your own people

Yo daddy beat you like a dog and now you're evil

You're from Georgia, sweet Georgia, and history books unfold ya

As a messed up motherfucker bent in the mind

You built a superpower but it paid the price

With the endless destruction of Russian lives

if you're the man of steel, I spit kryptonite!

Big dick mystic, known to hypnotize

I can end you with a whisper to your wife!

Stalin:

Look into my eyes, you perverted witch

See the soul of the man who made Mother Russia his bitch!

You think I give a fuck about my wife?

My own son got locked up in prison, and I didn't save his life!

You got off easy when they pickled that moose cock?

I'll leave your neck in a noose in a trench and shot

Your whole family, shot!

All your wizard friends, shot!

Anyone who sold you pierogi, shot!

Starve you for days till you waste away

I even crushed motherfuckers when I'm laid in state

Pride of Lenin took Trotsky out of the picture

Jumped a hammer on you harder than I bitch-slapped Hitler

Lenin:

I have no pride for you

Who ruined everything my revolution was doing

To stop the Bourgeoisie

I fought the bondage of classes, the proletarian masses

And brought me here to spit a thesis against both of yo asses

Let me start with you there, Frankenstein

Looking like something out of R.L. Stine

It's hip-hop chowder, red over white

This is all why tzar's wife can't do shit tonight

And Joseph, you were supposed to be my right-hand man

But your loyalty shriveled up like your right hand, man!

My whole future was bright, you let your heart grow dark

And stopped the greatest revolution since the birth of Marx!

Gorbachev:

Knock knock knock knock

Did somebody say birth marks?

Yo, I'm the host with the most glasnost

Assholes made a mess and the war got cold

Shook hands with both Ronald's, Reagan and McDonalds, no doubt.

If your name ends with "in", time to get out!

I have the balls to let Barynshnikov dance playa!

Tore down that wall like the Kool-Aid Man, oh yeah!

You two need yoga, you need to shower

And you all need to learn how to handle real power!

Putin:

Did somebody say real power?

Дa, you want to mess with me

I spit hot borsch when I'm crushing these beats

Blow it up like a tuba, while I'm balling in Cuba

Doing judo moves and schooling every Communist сука

I'm a president in my prime, my enemies don't distract me

The last man who attacked me lived a half-life so comrade, come at me

You don't know what you're doing, what, are you trying to bust a rhyme against a mind like Putin!

You'll find that the ex-KGB is the best MC in the ex-CCCP!