Steven Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock
[Steven Spielberg]
Picture a child sitting next to a projector,
Learning from your films to become a much better director.
Now picture a 3 billion dollar dream machine,
Who can block bust all over your crop duster scene!
Try to Duel with me, Alfred, you must be Psycho!
I'll bring back JAWS, and take a bite of your Lifeboat!
I'm Always so on top of my game. I get the Vertigo!
My jet's in the Terminal waiting for me to Murder! ya.
I rock the Academy and the DGA!
You rock as many Oscars as that schlep Michael Bay!
Next time you're filling up those jowls with three steaks and soufflé,
Check the trades, see me Amblin to my next big play!
I produce cartoons and make games for all ages.
You produce Jimmy Stewart making one of two faces!
Maybe next time I visit, you'll be a bit more gracious!
Now kiss my full moon and just bask in my greatness!
[Alfred Hitchcock]
That was a close encounter of the turd kind,
But there won't be a pretty ending this time.
Half your billions should go to John Williams!
Now brace yourself as I reveal my brilliance!
I'm the master... of suspense, so intense,
No defense against Hitchcock once he presents! (Ahh!)
My skill is enormous, orchestrate brilliant performance.
You're more horrible than Megan Fox's acting in Transformers!
C'mon! Fish puppets and Muppets to stir the fears up!
I squeeze screams out of chocolate syrup!
I'm the best mamma-jamma ever stood behind the camera!
Damage panderers and haunt you like the last Indiana!
[Quentin Tarantino]
Cut! Gimme a Tylenol. Stop rhyming, y'all!
Alfred, you got no style, dog. I'm the king of dialogue!
There's only one movie I know you from,
And I've seen more blood in the shower when I stubbed my toe in one.
You tried to fight in World War I but couldn't do that!
The British Army wouldn't let you join 'cause you were too fat!
Look it up, it's a true fact. Wikipedia that!
Now allow me to attack Steven the hack.
Due to War of the Worlds, a failure's what I label you!
It looked like some sellout bullshit Michael Bay would do!
Ask anybody, "What's your favorite Sam Jackson part?"
No one's gonna say, "What's his name from Jurassic Park?"
Scripts that I write ain't the... cleanest, (Fuck!)
But when I grip mics I'm the... meanest. (Dick!)
Quentin Tarantino is a... genius.
A bad mother fucker from the wallet to the penis!
[Stanley Kubrick]
Genius is a powerful word, but there's no reason to use it,
'Less you're talking about the Kubrick, then there's really nothing to it.
Everything I do is visionary.
Every single frame a painting made exactly how I wanna make it.
Do another take and get it right, 127 times!
I'll make you learn to love me! I'm the bomb, drop ultraviolent rhymes!
Like Clockwork, make you all hurt, beat Spielberg The Color Purple!
A.I. is the worst waste of potential since the Ninja Turtles!
[Michael Bay]
That's enough! I've heard enough crap from all of you!
Why don't I come down there and show you what a real star can do?
I swoop low with the telephoto, no Bruckheimer, I work solo.
If there's one thing I've learned, bitch, this game is about mother fucking money!
I make that dollar, y'all, mother fucking money!
Even make Mark Wahlberg make some mother fucking money!
I set up shop and got a few drops of that Got Milk money!
Rose to The Rock, now I got that socks made of silk money!
I ain't got that guilt money! I don't give a fuck!
I take my checks to the bank, and I sign 'em with my nuts!
I give the people what they love, while the critics say I'm evil!
Got no time to read reviews while I'm working on the sequel!
Got a gift from above and the eyes of an eagle!
When it comes to blowing up, no director is my equal!