The Ideal Husband

Julian

He's gonna take my files

Every woman that I've slept with

Every friendship I've neglected

Didn't call when grandma died

I spend my money getting drunk and high

I've done things unprotected

Proceeded to drive home wasted

Bought things to win over siblings

I've said awful things, such awful things

And now

Now it's out

And now

Now it's out

Julian

He's gonna take my files

Telling people jokes to shut them up

Resenting people that I love

Sleep in 'til two then doin' shit

Just stay in bed and later lie 'bout it

Obsessing over greying hair

Knowing just what people wanna hear

Binging on unearned attention

I've said awful things, such awful things

And now

Now it's out

And now

Now it's out

I came by at seven in the morning

Seven in the morning, seven in the morning

I came by at seven in the morning

I said, "Baby, I'm finally succumbing"

Said something dumb like "I'm tired of running

Tired of running, tired of running"

Let's put a baby in the oven

Wouldn't I make the ideal husband?