Old Dun Cow

Some friends and I in a public place

Were playing cards one night

When into the room a fireman ran

His face all chalky while.

"What's up?", says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost,

or have you seen you aunt Mariah?"

"Me aunt Maria be buggered!", says he,

"The bleedin' pub's on fire!"

"Oh well," says Brown, "What a bit of luck.

Everybody follow me!

Ands it's down to the cellar,

If the fire's not there

Then we'll have a grand old spree."

So we all went down with good old Brown

The booze we could not miss

And we had't been in there ten minutes or more

Till we were all quite pissed.

And there was Brown upside down

Lappin' up the Whiskey on the floor.

"Let's booze, booze!" The firemen cried

As they came knockin' on the door

O don't let ,em in till it's all drunk up

Somebody shouted: "MacIntyre!" - MACINTYRE!

And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk

When the old Dun Cow caught fire.

Then Smith walked over to the port wine tub

and he gave it a few hard knocks

The he started takin' off his pantaloons

Likewise his shoes and socks.

"Oh, no!" says Brown, "that ain't allowed!

You can't do that thing here!

Don't wash your trousers in the port wine tub

When we got guinness beer!"

And the there came a mighty crash

Half the bloody roof caved in.

We were almost drowned by the firemen's hose

But I swear it tastes like gin

So we got some tacks and some old wet sacks

And nailed ourselves inside

And we sat there drinking down pints of Stout

Till we were bleary-eyed.

And there was Brown upside down

Lappin' up the Whiskey on the floor.

"Let's booze, booze!" The firemen cried

As they came knockin' on the door

O don't let ,em in till it's all drunk up

Somebody shouted: "MacIntyre!" - MACINTYRE!

And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk

When the old Dun Cow caught fire.

Then there came from the old back door

The vicar of the local church.

And when he saw our drunken ways,

He began to scream and curse.

"Ah, you drunkend sods! You heathen clods!

You've take to a drunken spree!

You drank up all the benedictine wine

And you didn't save a drop for me!"

Late that night, when the fire was out

We came up from the cellar below.

Our pub was burned, our booze was drunk.

Our heads was hanging low.

"Oh look!", says Brown with a look quite queer.

Something raised his eye.

"We gotta get down to Murphy's Pub,

It closes on the hour!"

And there was Brown upside down

Lappin' up the Whiskey on the floor.

"Let's booze, booze!" The firemen cried

As they came knockin' on the door

O don't let ,em in till it's all drunk up

Somebody shouted: "MacIntyre!"

And there was Brown upside down

Lappin' up the Whiskey on the floor.

"Let's booze, booze!" The firemen cried

As they came knockin' on the door

O don't let ,em in till it's all drunk up

Somebody shouted: "MacIntyre!" - MACINTYRE!

And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk

When the old Dun Cow caught fire.