New Routine

Two men sit in the corner of a diner

Both of them look quite a bit like Carl Reiner

One of them is smoking even though the sign says not to

The waitress says to stop, he says sorry but I've got to

They tell each other jokes that they both know that they both know

They talk about real estate, prostates, Costco

And when they finish up they leave a twenty on the table

The waitress picks it up with their half-eaten bagels

And when her shift is over she goes back to Mineola

Sits on the couch, opens up a diet cola and says

I'm so, I'm so sick of this place I'm so ready for a change of pace

I'm just looking for a new routine

So she spins her globe and the next thing you know

She's living in Liechtenstein

She doesn't speak German, only high school Spanish

But within a few weeks she discovers she can manage

But there's not much going on except for banking and skiing

So she breaks up with the man that she just started seeing

He drops her at the airport in a diesel Mercedes

Thinks to himself I'm so feeble with the ladies and I

I'm so, I'm so sick of this place

I'm so ready for a change of pace

I'm just looking for a new routine

So he grabs his cap

Throws a dart at a map

And now he's living in Bowling Green

He talks his way into

A job at La Quinta

Falls for the manager

Who's moving back to Canada

She's tried Roanoke, Reykjavik, Rome

Says you're really sweet but I just want to go home

Two men sit in the corner of a diner

One of them says I might take a trip to China

It's one of those things we should do before we're too old

Thanks but no thanks, bring me back an egg roll

Bring it back