Dupree's Paradise
FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, the name of this song singles how we are CONFRONTED with a partial, how shall we say, language barrier here, we don't wanna press the issue too much folks, but, the chances of you figuring out what he's going to say during this song are NIL. So what we're gonna do is: We're gonna play this instrumental tune, see, that starts off real easy, you know, it's very light, and then builds up to an orgasmic frenzy a little bit later on. Hey, I knew you'd enjoy that. Some service men here in the audience tonight, I'm sure. This song, we're gonna start off so light that George doesn't even know about it – get your finger cymbal, George...
George: Yeahm...
FZ: Whoops! The name of this song, folks, is "Dupree's Paradise". It always starts off with George playing the finger cymbal. He hits it with a little stick and then, when nobody expects it, he hits his finger and hurts himself!
George: Aaaah!
FZ: Do it again, George!
George: Ooh, ah-hm-ugh...
FZ: Yes! More, George!
Napoleon: Don't hurt me, Dupree! Don't hurt me, Dupree!
FZ: Hurt yourself, George!
George: [...] unusual last night
FZ: Pain, George!
George: Ooof!
FZ: Oh! That's it! That's it!
Napoleon: Don't hurt me, Dupree! Don't hurt me, Dupree!
FZ: Yes, now build them up to a frenzy! Hurt yourself again, George!
George: Ouch! Mmpf!
FZ: Play the piano, George!
Guy from the audience: Thank you so much!
FZ: The Modest Mussorgsky Songbook presents...
George: Come back here!
George: And then it happened! Don't know what it was... I could hear it comin'... next door... It was a bass player playin'. What was he doin'? He sounded funny to me, though... What's this fool playin' at eight o'clock in the mornin'? I was tryin' to sleep and this fool next door playin' his thing and all night long Ruth was talkin' 'bout... heh-heh heh-heh... I can't get no sleep at all, ladies comin' out in the hall talkin' 'bout... SHUT THAT TAPE RECORDER OFF! You know it's true!
FZ: Rikki, don't lose that number... You don't wanna lose that number, Rikki... Hey Ruth, d'you have any Suzi Quatro cassettes?
George: I said, "Ruth, tell Ian to quit playin' the bass clarinet." But she said, "I like it! Well, specially when it's close to me." She said she likes to feel the vibrations next to her, er, uh... I said, "Well, what does he do?" And she, and she said, "He plays that... and then, and, and, and, and, and then it, ah, ah..."
FZ: "Harlem Nocturne," take one
George: "Ah, ah, he breaks, he breaks into a chorus of..." I said, "Good God!" I said, "But, but, there's such a thing as (come back on here) boogie." And, we do that in Montana. And, er, uh... heh-heh... he goes like this, heh-heh-heh, y'all, it's crazy!
FZ: Excuse me, ah... ah, excuse me, Yankee dog? Ah, Amerikanisches Schwein? Excuse me, would you mind opening your suitcase, please?
Napoleon: Jawohl! I am from immigration...
FZ: Yeah!
Napoleon: What country are you from?
FZ: Ah, would you please explain to me what you're doing with these towels in your suitcase?
Napoleon: Towels? What towels? Oh, you see, you understand, you see, I... I...
FZ: Don't tell me the same thing that Suzy Cohen told me the last time she came into this country. Don't tell me that the hotel said, "Please, take these back! Take these back with you!"
Napoleon: We tried to pay for them! We tried to offer them money...
FZ: Don't tell me you tried to pay for the towels!
Napoleon: We offered them, ah, marks, we offered them, ah...
FZ: No... You Americans simply cannot be trusted
Napoleon: [...] Quatro
FZ: And it won't do you any good to call Herb, either!
Napoleon: We offered them, ah...
FZ: You are under arrest. Hands up!
Napoleon: No! Not in this country! If I dance would you let me go?
FZ: Later that night... the towels... the mysterious towels... the towels of destiny... Suzy's towels...