Letter From Jeepers

Doris, get out your poison pen and take a letter. I

have to write to Count Dracula. You know he wrote

me a letter of that sort...

Dear Count Dracula,

I am writing to you from Cucamonga... Ha-ha!

Cucamonga? The weather is lovely. The nausea

of noon. The wind is always blowing and the

sun never shines. And it's rainy and damp four

hundred days of the year.

I enjoyed the party very much. Especially the

sumptuous feast you had prepared. It was

thrilling. From the first appetizers, the 'Chicken

Fried Grub Worms,' on through the dessert,

ohhhh... 'Blood Pudding!' Oh, I love 'Blood

Pudding!' Oh, yes! It was a masterpiece of

culinary skill.

Although I... I was worried for a moment when

you... you said the main course was... 'Fish and

Chips.' We are not THAT plebeian in Cucamonga.

But my fears were quickly allayed when I discov-

ered to my delight it was 'Silverfish and Buffalo

Chips!' Ho-ho! Oh, unique! Oh, they're so

squirmy! Oh-ho-ho! Oh, the first one went

down easy, but the second one was greasy!

Ho-ho-ho...!

Oh my... Oh, I'm getting carried away, because

I... I really must apologise for getting tipsy and

singing. But I have always wanted to be the

DEATH of the party.

Uh, when you hear the pellets drop, count ten and

take a deep breath