Lyrics Frank Zappa

Frank Zappa

The Adventures of Greggery Peccary

The adventures of greggery peccary!

Oh, here comes greggery,

Little grecgery peccary

The nocturnal gregarious

Wild swine

A peccary

Is a little pig

With a white collar

That usually hangs around

Between texas and paraguay

Sometimes ranging as far

West as catalina

Catalina, catalina, catalina!

This particular peccary

Is part of that bold (bold),

New (new) breed (breeding)

That extinguishes itself

By markings which resemble a

Wide tie

Directly below the

White collar

If it's white enough

Everyone will know

That the tie I'm wearing

Is a symbol

Of how nimble mv mind will know

Ooh-ooh!

(swine suave!)

Look out!

Here he comes again!

Oh here comes greggery peccary.

Yes it's cravv, cravy, veah...

Every morning, greggery drives

His little red volkswagen to the ugly

Part of town where they keep the government buildings.

Voodn, voodn!

Boy it's so hard to find a place to park around here!

Greggery peccary takes the elevator

Up to the eighty-third floor of a grim,

Gray, evil-looking building

With a sign on the front reading:

'big swifty associates. trend-mongers'.

And what, might you ask, is a trend monger?

Well, a trend monger is a person

Who dreams up a trend

(like 'the twist' --- or 'flower power'),

And spreads it throughout the land,

Using all the frightening little skills

That science has made available!

And so it was, one fateful morning,

Greggery peccary made his way through the steno pool . . .

Hi mildred!

Hello gladys!

Wanda!

Yes, from the moment they laid

Eyes on him,

All the girls in the big swifty

Steno pool

Knew . . .

Here was a

Nocturnal,

Gregarious

Wild swine

On his way up!

A peccary of destiny,

Adventure

And

Romance!

Is there any mail for me?

Swifty's!

This is big swifty's!

At big swifty's we all know-ow-ow

You'll go

For any gimmick or gizmo!

Wouldn't you rather be involved

In a series of colorful

Time-wastinc trends?

Air hockey . . . biff . . . dush-h-h!

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, youp youp youp youp

Is your wife snoring by the sink?

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, youp youp youp youp

Ain't your life boring, don'tcha think?

Youp youp youp youp youp youp youp

Life is so much better

When there's some little something

To do!

Does it matter that this waste of time

Is what makes a life for you? hmmmmm?

I must plummet boldly

Forward

To my ultra-avant

Laminated,

Simulated

Replica-mahogany desk,

With the strategically-placed,

Imported, very hip water pipe,

And the latest edition of the

Whole earth catalog,

And rack my agile mind

For a spectacular

New trend,

Thereby rejuvenating our limping

Economy,

And providing

For bored & miserable people

Everywhere

Some great new

'thing'

To identify with.!

We have got the little answers

To the things

That might' be bothering you!

We have got your little toys!

(we're busy makin' 'em!)

Busy makin' 'em,

We're busy makin' 'em,

Busy makin' 'em

Just for you!

Yoo-hoo-hoo!

Very efficient. miss snodgrass!

And with that.

Gregcery turned

And strode nonchalantly

Into his dinky little office

With the desk and the catalog

And the very hip water pipe.

And proceeded,

With a vigor and determination

Known only to piglets

Of a similarly diminutive

Proportion,

To single-handedly invent

The calendar!

With his eye rolled heaven-ward.

And his little shiny pig-hoofs on the

Desk, greggery ponders the

Question of eternity (and fractional

Divisions thereof), as mysterious

Angelic voices sing to him from a

Great distance, providing the

Necessary clues for the construction of

This thrilling new trend!

Sunday

Sunday?

Wow!

Sunday,

'Monday

Sunday,

Saturday. . .tuesday through

- Monday'!

Saturday. . .

And thus the calendar,

In all of it's colorful disguises

Was presented to

The bored & miserable people

Everywhere!

Gregcery issued a memo on it.

Whereupon the entire contents

Of the steno pool

Identified with it strenuously,

And worshipped it as a way of life,

And took their little pills by it.

And went back 'n forth from

Work by it.

And paid their rent by it,

And before long they were even

Having

Birthday parties in the office

By it,

Because now. at last,

Crecgery peccary's exciting new

Invention

Had made it possible

For everyone

To find out

How old they were!

What hath God wrought?

Unfortunately,

There were some people

Who simply did not wish to

Know,

And that's why,

On his way home from the office

One night,

Greggery was attacked

By a rage of hunchmen!

Making his way through the

Evening traffic, greggery notices

That the other vehicles which

Crowd and bump his little red car

Are all inhabited by slowly-aging

'very hip young people',

They appear to be casting

Sinister glances toward him

Through their glinting acid burn-

Out eyeballs, trying to run him

Off the road, or make him bump into

Something, giving strong evidence

Of hostile aggression!

To elude them, greggery takes the

Short forest exit off the express-

Way. they zoom after him in all

Manner of cars. trucks,

Garishly-painted buses, and

Motorcycles.

Greggery takes a bumpy trail

Off the main short forest road,

Which leads him up the side

Of a famous (and convenientlv

Placed) mountain, and into a strange

Cave on the edge of a cliff, not far

From a little twisted tree. . .with

Eyes on it.

Meanwhile, the enraged hunchmen

(and hunch-'women) rumble

Through the short forest until

(realizing the little swine has

Escaped, they decide to park their

Steaming vehicles in a circular

Pseudo-wagon train formation. . .

And have a love-in!

Under the influence of a fantastic

Amount of trendy chemical amusement

Aid, they proceed to perform lewd

Acts, rip each other off for small

Personal possessions, and dance

With depraved abandon in the vicinity

Of a six-foot pile of transistor radios

Each one tuned to a different station).

What?

The hunchmen finally expire

From exhaustion,

And greggery,

Who has viewed the proceedings

From a safe distance,

Breathes a sigh of relief. . .

Phew!

Only to be terrified once again

By a roar of immense laughter. . .

Ho! ho! ho!

Which seems to be rumbling up

From the very depths of the cave

In which he has hidden his car!

(good lord! what was that!? )

Grecgery doesn't realize

He has concealed himself

Inside the very mouth of

Billy the mountain!

Ho! ho! ho!

And, as you all know,

Whenever billy laughs,

Rocks and boulders hack up,

And the air for miles around

Is filled with tons of dust,

Forming a series of huge

Brown clouds!

Who is making those new brown clouds?

Who is making those clouds these days?

Ho is making those new brown clouds?

Better ask a philostopher 'n see what he says!

Greggery stops at a gas station

And makes a mysterious phone

Is this the old loft

With the paint peelin' off it

By the chinese police

Here the dogs roll by?

Is this here they keep

The philostophers now,

With the rugs & the dust,

Where the books go to die?

How many yez got?

Say yez got quite a few,

Just sittin' around there

With nothin' to do?

Well I just called yez up

'cause I wanted to see

A pilostoper be of assistance

To me!

Gregcery receives information

That

'the greatest livin philostopher

Knon to mankind'

Is currently in possession of the

Very information

In question,

And, furthermore, this information

Could be his,

If only greggery would attend a

'special therapeutic group

Assembly'

(classes now forming),

And available at a special

Low introductory fee. . .

And now, here he is,

'the greatest living philosto-

Pher known to mankind',

Quentin robert denameland!

Take it away!

"folks,

As vou can see for yourself.

The way this clock over here

Is behaving,

Time is of affliction!

Now this might be cause for alarm

Among a portion of you, as,

From a certain experience,

I tend to proclaim:

'the eons are closing'!"

Make your checks payable to

-25.8-

'quentin robert denameland,

Greatest livin philostopher

Known to mankind'!

Who is making those new brown clouds?

Who is making those clouds these days?

Who is making those new brown clouds?

If you ask a pilostopher, he'll see

That you pays!