Dog Porn

Is that boy balls going off on one again? Look, son, I told you before. It's all lies. Don't fuk'n listen to 'em clarts

Let me tell you a story about a mate of mine

You'll have to bear with me I've had a bottle of wine

His name's Adam Hussain and he's really alright

He shagged a mongo in his car, late one night

It was some time back in late '83

Benny Blanco was his name and he came round to tea

He made his excuses and went to the bog

Xain found him outside, shagging the dog

He's never been the same since that summer's day

He lost his fuk'n head and thought he was gay

We soon brought him round with a big fat blunt

Then we showed him some pictures of a dripping c*nt

Dunlop. Greenflash. 13.99.

Dunlop. Greenflash. They calls it LSD and it's fuk'n wicked man

If you need your fix, you know where to go

Get on the phone to Benny Blanco

He doesn't mind, even when he's with a whore

He's the 'Port's drug ambassador

He'll deliver to you, within the hour

In his Patrick shell suit, sometimes with a flower

In his collar, he looks fuk'n dollar

and his eyes are quite similar to the Ayatollah

I first met Hussain whilst pissed on a train

He was off to Heathrow to catch a fuk'n plane

I think he had a connection to organise the draw

Cos he gave me three ounces and a photo of Roger Moore

He told me a story about a bird he shagged

He took for a spin in a car he blagged

They pulled into a lay-by and started getting busy

He ripped off her pants and covered her in c*nt jizzy

She said to him, "you really make me hot,

i don't even mind about the cock rot!"

So he seized his chance and took a tricky brown

But it all went pear-shaped when he took a look down

There were loads of skid marks all over his seat

They were white leather so they'd be there for weeks

He blagged the car from his cousin in Aberdare

And when he gave it back there was shit everywhere

Adam: There may be an element of truth there, right? Er, but most of it, it.. it... it's fcuking lies. I swear to god, I never done nothing like that before

Eggsie: Yous fcukings knows it. I am a fcuking robot. Is ams froms outers spaces. Is ams froms jus-pis-ters.

Went to pick a man up in my fuk'n car

There's a rave up in Wentwood, It's not very far

We've got drugs and lager, we've been to the Spar

House, techno, acid - there's even a bar

Adam got fuk'd up, off his head on pills

He got on the podium to show us his skills

He dropped his can of lager and slipped in the mess

And ripped down this fuk'n minging birds dress

This minging bird said, "You make me cringe"

Hussain' shoved his fingers up her minge

He said, "My beer goggles are on but you're quite smart"

"Come back to my place you fuk'n tart!"

She kicked him in the bollocks and punched him the eye

He said, "you still haven't given me a fuk'n reply"

She said, "You'll never get me back to your place."

So Adam pinned her down and shot his man fat in her face

When I first met Benny Blanco he sold me the blow

After bingo at the community disco

He fingered, two mingers,

And was making girls sniff his fingers

Smoked bongs and drank Strongbow

Went for a drive and shagged a mongo

He's been bad, since the day he was born

And he's got a huge collection of dog porn

Adam: That fuk'n shit about shagging a mongo, that's not true, right? Are you trying to frame me, or something? Let me kick some fuk'n shit to you now, right guys...

Some of it's lies and some of it's the truth

I'm Benny Blanco and you got no proof

The dog porn shit? It's all propaganda

Although I seen some sick shit with an electric sander

And a girl in a bikini called Miranda

Giving it to a shitty dog, seal and a panda

Went in HMV, to buy a DVD

Of some oral sex - beastiality

I couldn't get any, I was feeling quite forlorn

Until I found this tape of dog porn

When I got it home, it weren't my cup of tea

But Eggsie had to have a w4nk cos it was free

So call it the truth, so call it slander

But I don't give a fuk cos I'm drinking Moet Chandon

I starred in a cock film called Black Mamba

And I feels like Sean Connery that film, er, Highlander

I'm Adam Hussain, alright? If you thinks I been shagging fuk'n animals, you'd be mistaken, like. But if you fuk'n thinks I have, I'll fuk'n shag you with that metal pig outside the market.

Do... Do you read me over. I am a robot. You fuk'n obey bastard prick. Errr