Fresh Prince of Cwmbran

Now this is a story I've got to share

It'll only take a minute, sit right there

If you shop at Iceland or Matalan

Let me tell you about a special place called Cwmbran

In South Wales, home to straights and gays

With fantastic free parking, you can park any days

Go up the leisure centre, look at tits in the pool

Get arrested hanging round one of the secondary schools

There's a number of pubs and they're all quite good

Although the square's full of roughs from the neighbourhood

So get on the motorway and drive as fast as you can

On the A-4-0-5-1 to Cwmbran

In West Cwmbran they have a trading estate

You can rent a warehouse for a reasonable rate

They had the first McDonalds in South Wales

And if you drank in the Moonraker you had to be nails

Forty-seven thousand people known to live around there

That's ten thousand more than the folks in Aberdare

If you like folk dancing then just ring up and call

They do lessons in Llantarnam at the local church hall

Cwmbran's not known for rape or killing

It's a great place to go, if you're chilling

I went around the world from L.A. to Japan

I never found a place with parking quite like Cwmbran

Now this is a story about a standard Welsh town

With adequate facilities, come on down

They got a cinema, biscuit factory, built to plan

I want tell you all about a place I know called Cwmbran

Go on a day trip, in the car

In the mornings go to Llandegfedd reservoir

Then if you're bored, in the afternoons

Enjoy reasonably priced booze in the JD Wetherspoons

The people of Cwmbran will help you reach your goal

From drainage to locksmith to pest control

So if you come from far away like Essex or Vietnam

Just remember it's the place where indoor shopping began

There's so much to see, where to begin

You might wanna stay the night at the Premier Inn

So get your sister, your aunty, your cousin and your gran

And take them on a day trip, up to Cwmbran

If you had an operation and you need rest and calm

You can spend the day hanging out at Green Meadow Farm

They've got llamas, sheep, chicken, pigs and a cow

And if you don't know how to milk them then the staff will show you how

This was a story about a special place

Where if you take your car, you'll always find a space

And that was the story of how it began

And how you can be the Fresh Prince of Cwmbran

Oh Cwmbran, they've got [?] there

I saw Colin Jackson in Cwmbran stadium once

My mate went to a car boot sale in Cwnbran last weekend and bought a full bondage outfit for fourteen quid, wicked

I've got a mate up in Cwnbran called Verve, didn't leave the house for three years, and he only wears chinos