I Shall Hang Myself

The ceiling of my mind is a banqueting hall

Thousand cockroaches shift on the floor

I had a night in which everything was revealed

Cockroaches comprise a truth I'll never speak

They were there, and knew my name

Don't let me forget

I'm sad, I feel the future is hopeless

I'm bored, I'm guilty and I am being punished

I've lost interest in other people

I cannot make decisions, I can't sleep, I can't think

I cannot love, overcome my lonelyness, my fear, my disgust

I would like to kill myself

In darkness!

Four-forty-eight desparation visits, I shall speak no more

I don't want to die

I've become so depressed by the fact of my mortality

I don't want to live, I don't want to die!

I will drown in disphoria

In the cold black pond of the self

The pit of my immaterial mind

How can I return to form?

Not a life I could countenance

They will love me for that which destroys me

The sword in my dreams

The dust of my thoughts

The sickness that breeds in the folds of my mind

Ask me why!

I shall hang myself

Sertraline: insomnia worsened

Citalopram: morning tremors

Prozac: weight loss, homicidal thoughts, believes consultant is the Antichrist

Thorazine: slept calmer

My body decompensates, my body flies apart

Like a bird on the wing in a swollen sky

How can I return to form?

My mind is torn away by lightning

As it flies apart from the thunder behind

Four-forty-eight desparation visits

I've become so depress by the fact of my mortality

Warm darkness, which soaks my eyes, I know no sin

The capture, the rapture, the rupture of a soul

Validate me, witness me, see me, love me

My final submission my final defeat

Watch me vanish, watch me vanish, vanish

I'm in my right mind

I can see myself