Lemon Water

What in the hell is wrong with people

The deranged should be caged

What is wrong with people

It must be them can't you see

That it couldn't be me

Where their road ends

That's where mine begins:

There's a giant hole in my heart

But all I have to do

Is fill it up with alcohol

It closes all the holes

It hides all my boredom

And subdues my restlessness

It enhances my personality

But makes me order 3 orders of buffalo wings

When I would normally have just one

It forces me to bob my head to songs that I really really hate

And it makes me want to strike someone at the bar

Who orders 2 waters with lemon

And once again I find myself bobbing my head to a mediocre song

When I notice 2 marginally attractive girls parking it next to me at the bar

Sipping spring water with a twist of lemon

and I'm ready to puke when a small child sits next to me at the bar

but that's ok because to me other people's kids are fine

so it's no surprise that it's parents are ordering water with lemon

and a root beer for the child

do you ever find yourself striving for perfection

with a virtually worthless attempt at it

and is that why I find myself eavesdropping constantly

sports bars are the best places to meet people you hate

not that I've actually met anyone

it's just a matter of listening to their conversations and assuming that you hate them

when of course that probably isn't true

because I can get along with anyone if I absolutely have to

oh here we go a couple a few tables down just ordered lunch

the guy wearing a basketball tank top is having a veggie burger with fruit instead of fries

and his husky date is just having a salad:it must be their first date

and what goes better with rabbit food than ice water with a slice of lemon

sometimes I think if I could be anyone in the whole world I would be a magician

no than I would hate myself more than I already do

but at least then I could make all of these people in the bar be more like me

or even make them befriend me but then again I could become one of them

and only then would I understand the benefits

of putting a slice of lemon in ordinary drinking water