I Ain't Been Anywhere

I was sittin' at home just a-listenin' to my radio

An' along came a fella who apparently had been on the go

Well, he started in a-braggin' 'bout ev'rywhere he'd been

And there isn't any place in this whole world he hasn't seen

You ask me where I've been, an' I'm a-going to tell you, Pard

Why, I ain't even been outside the gate in my backyard

I ain't been anywhere, Joe

I ain't been anywhere, Joe

I didn't want to go, so

I guess I'll never know, Joe

An old stick in the mud, Bud

I ain't been anywhere

I ain't seen London, Paris, Washington, Chicago,

Bombay, Mandalay, Calgary, Cashmere,

Thailand, Ireland, Iceland, Greenland,

Halifax, Poland, Switzerland, Scotland,

Liverpool, Dry Gulch, Tombstone, Moscow,

Carlsbad, Leningrad, Stalingrad, too bad!

I ain't been anywhere, Joe

I ain't been anywhere, Joe

I didn't want to go, so

I guess I'll never know, Joe

An old stick in the mud, Bud

I ain't been anywhere

Siam, Amsterdam, Oslo, Rotterdam,

Birmingham, Tokyo, Melbourne, Saigon,

Trinidad, Hong Kong, Florida, Reykjavik,

Copenhagen, Berlin, Congo, Key West,

Petersburg, Wallisburg, Cherbourg, Luxemburg,

Chalush, Toronto, Cripple Creek, I am sick!

I ain't been anywhere, Joe

I ain't been anywhere, Joe

I didn't want to go, so

I guess I'll never know, Joe

An old stick in the mud, Bud

I ain't been anywhere

Kumquat, Limerick, Inverness, Loch Ness,

Swansea, Cuanda, Colombo, Gold Coast,

Edinburgh, Singapore, Galveston, Okinawa,

Blarney, Killarney, Karachi, Pyongyang,

Warsaw, Tarancan, Down, Libya,

Goose Bay, Labrador, Outer Space, no place!

I ain't been anywhere, Joe

I ain't been anywhere, Joe

I didn't want to go, so

I guess I'll never know, Joe

An old stick in the mud, Bud

I ain't been anywhere

Ohio, Toledo, Wexford, Frankfurt,

Silverton, Norfolk, Alamo, Sabula,

Brighton, Kiowa, Denmark, Dover,

Chalis, Rio, Lima, Philippines,

Hebrides, Hawaii, Portland, Cleveland,

Leipzig, Laramie, Horsehair, nowhere!

I ain't been anywhere, Joe

I ain't been anywhere, Joe

I didn't want to go, so

I guess I'll never know, Joe

An old stick in the mud, Bud

I ain't been anywhere

Wait a minute! Horsehair!

Why, doggone it, that's my hometown

So I guess I must 'a' been there, huh?

I ain't been anywhere!