How to Write a Song

How to write a song...

If you write it on guitar

Place your guitar upon your knee

If you write it on piano

Don't do that

Place your fingers on the

Strings of your guitar

Not your piano

If you write it on piano, don't do that

Now strum or press to get a feeling

This might take a little time

Now think of something sad or something funny

Which inevitably brings us to the rhyme

Let's assume you're just an asshole

And there's nothing in your brain

It might help if you remember

These helpful little hints

Don't try to rhyme silver with anything yeah

That goes for orange as well

Now notice how cleverly

I just used them both

And all I have to do

Is rhyme well

You've got to be very tricky

'cause to avoid these words takes talent

So never ever trap yourself like that

Or you'll end up saying words like

ballent, phallant, dallant,

wallant, callant, hallant

Oh well, I'm sure you'll catch on fast!

Now some tips on tempo

And some subjects to avoid

Like the use of the word baby

Unless you really have to say it

As to tempo or as we say time

That's strictly up to you because

That depends on how you play it

Now let's do one!

Now think of a rhyme!

That's it, you're doing fine

Now think of the good time

We just had together

If you practice these instructions

On the boat of song you'll sail

And if you listen very carefully

I'm sure you shallant fail

I said sallant, yeah shallant!

That rhymes with talent!

That takes talent!

That is talent!

Oh oh my God, I've done it again

Shallant rhymes with talent

That takes talent!

That is talent!

OH I can't stand it!

Oh my God

I've done it again!