Hope Of Morning

My mind's a kaleidoscope, it thinks too fast

Blurs all the colors 'til I can't see past

The last mistake, the choice I made

Staring in the mirror with myself to blame

Sometimes I'm afraid of the thoughts inside

Nowhere to hide inside my mind

I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair

I second guess myself to death, I re-solicit every step

What if my words are meaningless? What if my heart's misleading this?

I try to capture every moment as it comes to me

Bottle up the memories and let them keep me company

When the hope of morning starts to fade in me

I don't dare let darkness have its way with me

And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight

I will not be giving in tonight

When I'm old and grey, or thirty, or whatever happens first,

I'll need you to reassure me I didn't waste a verse

Or worse, what if my life's work is reduced to just myself

Like never let you get a word in, while I dissect my mental health

Or lack thereof, whatever, there's too many things to track

I really can't remember if I'm insane or insomniac

Now days, all the kids want crazy, wanna diagnose themselves

Trade up made up epidemics, pass around prescription pills

But my disorder can't be cured by a bottle, blade, or dose

Self-disgust and selfishness tend to hold me awfully close

But I don't wanna let you see that, I don't want my friends to know

Self-disgust and selfishness take me everywhere I go

When the hope of morning starts to fade in me

I don't dare let darkness have its way with me

And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight

I will not be giving in tonight

Try as I might to keep it together

Why is recovery taking forever

Fool the whole world, just until I get better

I'm terrified I'll be faking forever

On and on I wonder what went wrong inside my head

I don't have to have the answers, but tonight I wish I did

All the pain I can't explain away won't fade

All the the secrets silenced by the shame

Don't make me say it

When the hope of morning starts to fade in me

I don't dare let darkness have its way with me

And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight

I will not be giving in tonight