Hellalujah

"Give God the first portion of your income, say that with me,

Give God the first portion of your income. Give it first!

Not after deducts, not after the social security, and the

hospitilization, and the malnutrition. Not after all these

things on your check you say, I'm gonna give God a little what's

left. You do, and that's what you gonna get from God."

Who am I? I'm not the Devil

I can take you to my level

Above the rocks, above the earth

Tell me what your soul is worth

How much money do you make?

How much will you let me take?

I will give you tranquilty

Just send your wealth and checks to me

Life is going to expire

And your soul will burn in fire

You will perish in the thunder

Unless you call my hotline number

God has asked you to make me rich

Me and my fat-whack gaudy bitch

On your T.V.'s late at night

Send those checks and I'll guide you to the light

"Don't put away your wallets just yet, brothers and sisters. There's

somebody here I'd like all of you to meet. This is little Jonathan.

Jonathan, say hello to the lovely people, (hello). Jonathan has

problems. Twisted neck, tangled legs, crooked spine, but we can heal

this boy. For just, uh, six thousand dollars, we can heal this boy!"

God had called me and then stopped by

And he told me you're gonna die

Unless you buy my holy water

Check, cash, or a money order

This is true, don't question me

I'll even send you shit for free

It's only ten bucks for the call

And I'll send a prayer, no charge at all

Put your lips up to the screen

Close your eyelids and intervene

Your lips to mine, now send the cash

And while you're there, you can kiss my ass

Take your paycheck and send me half

And I'll send you God's autograph

I'll get Allah's and Buddha's too

Even Zeus, I don't give a fuck who

Just send me that money

"Would you like to healed, little Jonathan? (yes, reverand).

You see brothers and sisters, this...(beep-beep beep-beep)

Excuse me. I told you never to page me on a sermon day. Yes?

Uh-huh. Hallalujah. Outty. People, that was the lord, today only,

he will heal this boy, for just five thousand dollars!"

Pass the collection plate (show-show me how you give)

Pass the collection plate (g-give-give, how to live)

Pass the collection plate (show-show-show me how you give)

Pass the collection plate (show me how you give, I'll tell you how to live)

Your total's twenty-two eleven

For your set of keys to heaven

Make the checks out in my name

Me or God, it's all the same

Bring your crippled ass to me

Pay my usher the holy fee

I'll bless your legs and bless your chair

Then wheel your bitch-ass outta here

Now a special ceremony

This part don't cost any money

Drip a drop of blessed water

Now I fertalize your daughter

Even though I fucked a hooker

Took your baby girl and shook her

You still buy everything I sell

And I'm living well

See you in Hell!

"Four-thousand, eight-hundred, nine-hundred, five thousand

Hallalujah, you did it brothers and sisters. Are you ready, Jonathan?

(yes, reverand) Lord Almighty, we've met your price, give me the

healing power, I can feel it, Lord! Roomy loomy lama noma noomy!

This boy is healed. (really?) Now to the naked eye, it would appear

that this boy has not been healed, but I can assure you, this boy's

spirit has been healed. Inside this tangled, mangled frame is a healed

little boy. His spirit is healed, Hallalujah!"