Mascot Mania

When I was young

Saw football games

At the great big stadium

Could tell the fans

From out of town

By the clown suits they had on

20, 000 red cowboy hats

Means cornhuskers to you

Mickey Mouse beans

With tiger ears

Shows you cheer ol' Mizzou

Let's not forget the Razorbacks

From the U. of Arkansas

With plastic pig snouts

On their heads

Soooooeeeeeeing, "How 'bout them Hawgs?"

That's mascot mania

I work all week

At a job I hate

Where everything goes wrong

Weekends what I live for

To your church I belong

I cross the street in San Francisco

When a chump comes out of a bar

Yelling "Forty-fuckin-Niners, man"

With his gold and red jacket on

In Cleveland, throwing dog biscuits

Shows how much you love them Browns

While Bronco fans just hang their heads

When the Superbowl comes around

Raider jacket dollars

Got the White Sox wearin Black

Statues of Joe Paterno

Sold in gift shops at Penn State

That's mascot mania

Don't make fun of religious rituals

In any place

Lord help you if you laugh

While they do this with a straight face

Outside of the United States

It gets even more bizarre

In Tokyo they got a baseball team

They call the Carp

The Salmonbellies are the pride

Of New Westminster B.C.

C'mon Greg Werkman, what's a Hoosier?

And why do they throw chairs?

When Sudbury Ontario's

Hockey team scores a goal

They drag a stuffed wolf

Across the ice

A fan shot at it once, ya know

That's mascot mania

Blue Streak

Horned Frogs

Long Horns

Trojans

Someone better tell Tipper Gore

About the names of these here teams

Tar Heals

Gamecocks

Blue Devils

Crimson Tide

Real Indians

Sick of Redskins

And Tomahawk chops

It seems to me

That to stay mean

These names should change with time

The New York Muggers

Detroit Murders

And Chicago Mob

Boston Bigots

Texas Swindlers

And the L.A. Cops

Miami Drugs

New Jersey Dumps

Take on the Denver Smog

Seattle Fads

New Orleans Hoods

Milwaukee Cannibals

San Diego Jarheads

And the Arizona Drought

That's mascot mania

Go, Carp, go!

Salmonbellies rule!

Hit 'em harder Cops!

But, a hockey team called The Mighty Ducks?

Head explode when Dallas Oswalds

Meet Washington Bribes

Home team band plays Cop Killer

When L.A. comes to town

Pittsburgh Polluters

Houston Drive-Bys

Don't stir near the fear

When the Florida Abortion Bombers

Meet the San Francisco Queers

That's mascot mania

Anywhere you go

The games the same old thing

Bet your money on the Bribes

They always win