I Haven't Been Myself

I'm not alright, I haven't been myself lately

I'm not okay with the way I've let my thoughts overtake

Take me away to the place I should have gone

I hope I'm not here for long

I'll see you when I'm better

I'll see you when I'm better

It's gotta get worse to get better

It went from no way, never to okay, whatever

Slowly but surely and sure as sure is blurry

Now things that once were me are no longer

Every so often God reminds me

But I'm always there in front to blind me

I value my pride more than peace of mind

My precious pride

There was a time when I had control but I let it go

I watched the world pass in slowmo

My life's ahead of me

I can't catch up

Stuck in a rut

I went too willingly

These thoughts are killing me

I wish I could control myself but I can't

Or can I?

Man I'm gone

I hope I'm not here for long

It's just a visit

Ashamed of who I've become

It's not really me

Or is it?

I'm not alright, I haven't been myself lately

I'm not okay with the way I've let my thoughts overtake

Take me away to the place I should have gone

I hope I'm not here for long

I'll see you when I'm better

Thoughts lead to emotion which led to action

I hate the fact that it happened

"The Lord can forgive and forget"

But I'm not able to do it

Maybe there is where the problem lies

I'm unable to forgive myself plus I'm too proud to ask for help

Whelp, sorry for who I've become

I guess circumstances can leave you numb

Plus, I refused accountability

It seemed like such small things you found in me

I called you secluded and illuded to the fact that your concerns were silly

Don't over-react

Now looking back in hindsight, heh

I'm able to see that you were right

Is it too late for me?

I know it's not

It's just up to me to choose to stop

I'm not alright, I haven't been myself lately

I'm not okay with the way I've let my thoughts overtake

Take me away to the place I should have gone

I hope I'm not here for long

I'll see you when I'm better