Here Comes The Groom

With half an eye on history

And half an ounce of hope

Sold his soul in the vestry

Money for old rope

Been this way a million times

But now his time is nigh

He steps into the spotlight

He wants to say 'hi

Hello, we're so glad you came

You've never seen me before'

He's so ambitious, he's so game

But yesterday he was dressed the same

Then he was so much easier to ignore

Here comes the groom

But the world's not an inn and there isn't any room for you

But here he comes

He married into money

Just to kiss and tell

He ripped the contract open

He's out of his shell

He looks into a mirror

Practising his poise

But it reflects so badly

The groom just gets annoyed

He gasps, he forgets his lines

He's never done that before

The scientists say he's doing fine

This fumbling frantic frankenstein

Soon he's gonna do the dinosaur

Here comes the groom

His fingers are on the cliff edge

His head is going under

Is that applause?

No that's just thunder....

Why do you keep saying I do?

What does the bride mean to you?

Play me some puccini

Make it heavy on the strings

Walk me to the altar

The choir can't even sing

Right side for the photographs

Left side for the kids

God made me do it

So that's what I did

He coughs, loosens his bow-tie

You've never seen him before

He kisses the bride, oh you know why

Love's one more thing you can buy

He was unfaithful before he went outdoors

(and now he's in the graveyard)

Here comes the groom.....

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