The Winkle Man

"I'll tell you a story about a geezer called the Winkle Man, a right dirty sod!

The Winkle Man comes down the street

And serves all the ladys

What do you know, nine months on,

They've all got cramps and babys

"The funny thing about, he was right little shrimp!"

He used to sell them cellary

And according to the dirty talk

He asked them what they liked best:

The knob end, or the stalk!

"No wonder why a woman used to come in here with a smile on her face, I'll smash his face in!"

He'd go down to his local pub

For a pint and a packet of Brisk's

The barmaid's got a 48

And he always grabs her tits, like coconuts!

A girl he had was a noisy bird

She used to scream and moan

She shouted 'help!' He said 'you silly cow,

I can manage on me own'

"What, do you want to bring the neighbors in then? Oh what do you want, a gang bang then?"

She said 'I was a virgin,

Now I've been dumped twice in a day'

He said 'Twice?, But it's only once'

She said 'right, you gonna dash away?'

"Allright, be gentle with me, it's only my second time . . . today"

When he was young and in his prime

He'd have a woman any old time

Now he's old and getting gray

He seems to, like the, other way!

"Well I suppose there's no harm in him being a shirt-lifter, it just means there's more birds for all the fellows in the pub!"

"Winkle, Winkle!"

"Oh christ, here he comes again! Gay boys in bondage. Do you want a drink?"

"Yes please sailor"

"Who are you calling sailor? I'll smash you in the gut!"

"Up your's, butch!"

"I'll give you up your's! You, bum burgler! Take that!