I Gave Up Wanking

I've give up wanking this morning

I never thought that I could I'm feelin

better already and this time I'm off it

for good When I first wanked

I's thought I's so clever

And all of me makes, they were mugs

Thought I was the first bloke here

on earth who'd ever played with his slug

It was me own little secret

and I never told anyone

and the feelin' I got the first time I shot

was like chooks flyin' out o' me bum

so I'm givin' up wanking...tomorrow

I never thought that I could

then I won't get these bad headaches

and then I'll be off it for good

I've wanked in some unlikely places

the shower, the beach and pool

a dunny, a tram a dunny and the pictures

and ebiology classes at school

and once me grandmother caught me

wankin' meself in me room

but to her suprise I just shut me eyes

and Imagined her standin' there nude

I'mgivin' up wanking... next tuesday

I never thought that I could

and then I won't skwint like I do now

and then I'll be off it for good

me dad says it's gonna take willpower

ther really is no easy trick

I honestly thought I'dneed surgery

to help get me hand ogff me dick

me dad's been a great inspiration

he really has been a great help

he knows what I go though and just what yo do

cause he give it up yester'd himself

so I'm givin' up wanking next erid'

I never thought that I could

and then I'll be off it for good

so if you don't wank you're a lair

and a fool if you say that you do

so next time you see,

prince charles on tv remember

he wanks himself too so

I'm givin' up wanking come christmas

I never thought that I could and

I'll sell me dog and me white cane and then

I'II throw away me dark glasses

and then I'll be off it for good