Kev's Courtin' Song

Blown too much of me time buying dinner and wine

And me money on flowers and lollies

Only to find that what's on me mind

Isn't on hers and she's sorry

So I've made up some lines that save wastin' time

And keep me from blowin' me brass

I'm ever so cool I just prop on the stool

Right next to hers and I ask:

'Do you fuck on first dates?

Does your dad own a brewery?

Could I feel your tits?

Or would you show 'em to me?

Cause you've you've got a nice head

And you look pretty honest

So me face'll be leavin' in a quarter of an hour--

I'd like you to be on it'

You know how it feels when you first meet a sheila

And the bullshit you've gotta go through

Like callin' her up and tellin' her you love her

When all that you'd love is just to screw

But she wants to hold hands and you to meet her old man

And sit around for hours and talk

But me new method is, you just cut through the shit

And get down to the goodies straight off:

'Do you fuck on first dates?

Does your dad own a brewery?

Could I feel your tits?

Or would you show 'em to me?

Do you sleep in the nick?

Do you give head very often?

If we can decide, your place or mine

We can fuck off then'

So the next time you see a good-lookin' sheila

And you'd give a week's pay just to hold her

Don't sit acting dumb, just front her full-on

And drop a few lines like I told you

This new method of mine might not work every time

But then again no method will

I've been spat at and slapped, and kneed in the knackers

But then I've got a few fucks as well

'Do you fuck on first dates?

Does your dad own a brewery?

Could I feel your tits?

Or would you show 'em to me?

If the answer is 'No'

To me questions above --

Then be a good sport and give me the name

Of a girlfriend who does!'