The Pubic Hair Song

You know, I've often wondered, and I s'pose you would

of too,

What makes people 'round the world sound the way they

do?

Their accents are all so different, though the language

is the same,

So out of curiosity I thought I'd ask some of me mates.

I started with me mate the wog his name is Mario,

He said, 'I don't really understand but I give 'er a

go.'

'Eh... I got this pubic hair, she stuck on my top lip,

And no matter how I move me mouth, I canna moova him.

I blow 'im with me garlic breath and wif me chin out

like this, pfft,

But still that fuckin' pubic hair she stuck on my top

lipa.'

In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to

despair,

'That tiny, smelly, little, stinkin' fishy pubic hair'.

Now Bluey Mill, he's a mate of mine and he's knocked

around a bit,

From shearin' sheds and drillin' rigs to sewers

shovelin' shit.

He's been there seen it and done it all, and sometimes

he's done it twice,

And if any bloke would know it's him so I'll ask Bluey

for advice.

It was one night 'round the barby, when we'd knocked

back one or two,

I said, 'Blue old son how come you sound the way you

do?'

'Well... I've got this fuckin' pubic hair, stuck right

up me nose,

And I snort and sniff and go like this, but the bastard

never goes.

So if ya recon I sound different, that's the reason I

suppose,

This piddly fuckin' pubic hair stuck right up me nose.'

In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to

despair,

'Like an unwelcome and unwanted orphan fanny pubic

hair.'

I could see a pattern formin' after Mario and Blue,

And I was startin' ta twig a bit why we sound the way

we do.

And I was sittin' thinkin' drinkin' when me old mate

Jock walked in,

And I thought now he's got a real strong accent so

perhaps I should ask him.

It'll probably cost me a couple of beers 'cause he

won't in his kick,

And I bought a beer and I asked him, I tell ya I'm

fuckin' glad I did.

'Arglglgl... got this wee little pubic hair, stuck

there on me roof,

nee matter how I roll my tongue, I can not pry it

loose.

So that's the reason laddy, that I talk the way I do,

Sure would you with a pubic hair, stuck there on your

roof.'

In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to

despair,

'Than a wee, stringy, straight like, curly pubic hair.'

Well the pattern it was there all right, but I wasn't

quite convinced,

'Cause they're all Europeans I thought well what about

the chinks.

'Cause they've got a funny way of talkin' and I'm

pretty sure you'll agree,

That they don't even look like us let alone sound like

you or me.

So I went out for a Chinesse meal 'cause I really like

their chow,

And I asked the waiter and I tell ya what I'm fuckin'

convinced now.

'Hock, hark... hive got this little pubic hair, stuck

in back of froat,

Hold tongue down and breath like this, but fucking

thing won't go.

That why oriental generaltamen, always say Harsow,

Fucking little pubic hair stuck in back of froat.'

In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to

despair,

'An hard to move and hard to swallow, little pubic

hair.'

'That's right Jimmy, thats right.'

'Har thankyou, Harso.'

'I wonder if Billy Connolly has this problem?'