The Lowly Tourist

Hey, I am the lowly tourist

Though sometimes I feel so low

At the duty free they laugh at me

And they treat me like a schmo

Of course they take my money

And sometimes make me wanna smile

But at the local pub or a restaurant

I fell like I'm on trial

With my wife standing in her blue eyes

And my stupid baby suit

How I yearn for a nice brown burn

Or a sunburn substitute

If my camera is my albatross

If a sandal sure are dumb

Then the hotel clerk thinks I'm a jerk

And I drink until I'm numb

Constantly, both day and night

I am under an eight year hex

Sure as hell they cast a spell

They want my traveler's checks

'Cause the sand that's in the bathtub

'Cause the postcards burst with tips

The younger woman might so swimmin'

You can curse their swinging hips

In the aeroport, I'm a-happy when

I know I'm going home

New Jersey is the place for me

You can't know how old I look

'Cause I am the lowly tourist

Though sometimes I feel so low

At the duty free they laugh at me

And they treat me like a schmo

At the duty free they laugh at me

And they treat me like a schmo