The Man Who Couldn't Cry

There once was a man who just couldn't cry

He hadn't cried for years and for years

Napalmed babies and the movie love story

For instance could not produce tears

As a child he had cried as all children will

Then at some point his tear ducts ran dry

He grew to be a man, the feces hit the fan

Things got bad, but he couldn't cry

His dog was run over, his wife up and left him

And after that he got sacked from his job

Lost his arm in the war, was laughed at by a whore

Ah, but sill not a sniffle or sob

His novel was refused, his movie was panned

And his big Broadway show was a flop

He got sent off to jail; you guessed it, no bail

Oh, but still not a dribble or drop

In jail he was beaten, bullied and buggered

And made to make license plates

Water and bread was all he was fed

But not once did a tear stain his face

Doctors were called in, scientists, too

Theologians were last and practically least

They all agreed sure enough; this was sure no cream

puff

But in fact an insensitive beast

He was removed from jail and placed in a place

For the insensitive and the insane

He played lots of chess and made lots of friends

And he wept every time it would rain

Once it rained forty days and it rained forty nights

And he cried and he cried and he cried and he cried

On the forty-first day, he passed away

He just dehydrated and died

Well, he went up to heaven, located his dog

Not only that, but he rejoined his arm

Down below, all the critics, they took it all back

Cancer robbed the whore of her charm

His ex-wife died of stretch marks, his ex-employer went

broke

The theologians were finally found out

Right down to the ground, that old jail house burned

down

The earth suffered perpetual drought